Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 20
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379 Results for Human Resources
View 191 - 200 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 21,
1990
Tags mother nature, litterbugs, human, Dilbert, example, gary larson, Cartoon
Transcript
Mother Nature: Mother Nature has decided to be lenient with you human litterbugs. You can stay on the planet, but I'll have to make an example of you.
Tuesday April 02,
1991
Saturday April 25,
1992
Tags Dilbert, ratbert, crisis, image, self, value, world, jukebox, room, resources
Transcript
Dilbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Ratbert walks in and says, "I'm having a crisis of self image." Ratbert asks, "Do I, as a rat, add any value to the world? Or do I simply deplete its resources, then die?" The musical notes coming from the radio stick to Ratbert's body. He says, "Oh . . . Sorry . . . I sucked all the music out of the room."
Monday September 14,
1992
Tags resources, cow, egg, lobby, counter, lates, vegetarians, health, link, Food, nutrition, pyramid, school, Kids, different, learned
Transcript
A large man behind a desk says to two overweight men, "We must use all of the resources of the 'Cow and Egg' lobby to counter the latest threat from the vegetarians." The man continues, "Somehow they've managed to link food with health . . . They invented a 'nutrition pyramid' chart and got schools to use it . . ." A teacher points to a chart and says, "Kids, this is a little different from the way I learned it . . ." Meat, milk and beer are at the top of the pyramid and are labeled "bad." The next levels on the pyramid are gravel, bugs; beans, tofu; fruits, vegetables; bread, cereal, grains.
Friday February 18,
1994
Tags resources vailable, common employees, more money, project, all gone, hypocrite boss, no time
Transcript
The Boss: "Although I'm technically the 'Boss' I believe it's my job to make resources available to you, the common employees." Dilbert: "I need more money for my project." The Boss: "Sorry, all gone." Dilbert: "Maybe I'll get on your calendar so we can discuss it." The Boss: I've got twenty minutes next summer."
Friday March 24,
1995
Tags elbonians, afford, just mud, couch shopping network, manage resources, sold country, little jars, molten lava, earths core
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his cubicle. He asks Dogbert, "How could the Elbonians afford to buy this company? Their whole country is just mud." Dogbert imagines a television screen showing an Elbonian holding a container with the figure "$119.95" above him. Dogbert answers, "They packaged the mud and sold it as a cosmetic on the 'Couch Shopping Network.' They made trillions." Hugging his knees to his chest, Dilbert comments, "At least they know how to manage resources." Dogbert replies, "They sold their entire country in little jars. Most Elbonians perished in molten lava at the Earth's core."
Thursday April 13,
1995
Tags blame the media, blow out proportion, dispappear, human nature, third wife, Wally, free replacements
Transcript
Dogbert, Wally and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Dogbert says, "You could offer free replacements for all the keyboards you sold without a 'Q,' or you could blame the media for blowing it out of proportion." Wally says, "Let's blame the media. They'll admit they were wrong and the whole thing will disappear." Dogbert says, "You have a brilliant grasp of human nature, Wally." Wally responds, "I know. My third wife always said the same thing."
Wednesday September 20,
1995
Tags technical support, gullible, optimistic, buy something, human being
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk with a telephone in his hand. A voice on the phone says, "Press 'One' for sales. Press 'Two' in a hopeless effort to get technical support." Dilbert presses "2." The voice on the phone continues, "Press 'One' for answers to questions you don't have. Press 'Two' if you're gullible and optimistic." Dilbert presses "2." The voice on the phone says, "Press 'Two' if you're willing to buy something just so you can talk to a human being . . ." Dilbert puts the phone on the desk and raises a mallet to strike it.
Tuesday April 16,
1996
Tags specially trained, wasted resources, project, behind schedule, manager, done playing around
Transcript
The night shift manager brings a dog into Alice's cubicle and says to Alice, "This dog is specially trained to detect wasted resources." As the dog begins sniffing, the night manager continues, "He'll help me find out why your project is behind schedule even after adding me as manager." The dog holds an arrow with his tail and points it at the night manager. The manager says, "We'll begin as soon as he's done playing around."
Wednesday August 07,
1996
Tags cat likes petting, Catbert, company resources, evil, hr director, pet cat, soft furry belly, ugly incident
Transcript
Catbert says to Tina, "It has come to my attention that you used company resources to send e-mail to your boyfriend." Catbert continues, "I'm willing to overlook this ugly incident in exchange for five minutes of quality petting on my soft, furry belly." Tina pets Catbert's stomach and says, "This seems so wrong." Catbert says, "Try using both hands."


