One Ear Comic Strips - Page 20

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View 191 - 200 results for one ear comic strips. Discover the best "One Ear" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bet, #billion to one, #dance, #immature, #join pool, #lottery pool, #office pool, #rational person, #longshot

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches from behind and asks, "Do you want to join the lottery pool?" Dilbert responds, "No." Dilbert continues, "No rational person would put money on a billion-to-one longshot." Wally says, "You will." Dilbert responds, "No, I won't." Wally says, "I'll bet a hundred dollars that you will." Dilbert responds, "You're on." Wally says, "If you don't join the pool, and we win, I will come to your putrid cubicle and do this dance." Dilbert watches as Wally snaps his fingers and sings, "Ay-yi-yi, hoo-wah-hoo! I'm filthy rich and you're a loser!" Dilbert leans back a bit as Wally leans forward and positions his rear end near Dilbert's face. Wally sings, "HOO-AH! HOO-AH!" Alice, Asok, and Wally convene in the hallway. Alice asks, "Who won the $100 Dilbert pool?" Wally responds, "Whoever picked thirty seconds."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #service anniversary, #20 years, #one year pins, #asked for money, #six years, #pay for pins, #card with wrong name, #unappreciative, #creepy business practices

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Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a package in his hand and says, "Happy service anniversary, Alice." The Boss continues, "We're out of twenty-year pins so I got twenty of the one- year pins." The Boss hands Alice the package and says, "You can pin these babies all over your blouse... or fishing hat if you prefer." The Boss continues, "The card says, 'To Kathy' but it was never opened. For some reason she quit the day she got her twenty pins." The Boss continues, "Incidentally, I have to charge you $262 for the pins. The company doesn't pay for them." Alice holds the box angrily. Alice responds, "First of all, I've only worked here for about six years.." The Boss interrupts, "Wow, you look older. Anyway, just give me the $262 and throw away eight pins and we'll call it good." Alice rolls up her sleeve and shakes with anger. She holds one arm back with the other. The Boss asks, "Why are you rolling up your sleeve? Are you going to pin them to your arm?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teamwork football, #carry one day, #commitment to teamwork, #customers, #vacation, #used golf ball, #football, #Sports

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The Boss holds up a football and says, "I call it teamwork football." The Boss continues, "Each of you will carry the ball with you for one day to symbolize your commitment to teamwork." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "Who wants to be first?" The Boss turns to Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Not me, I have a meeting with customers today." The Boss turns to Wally. Wally says, "I'm on vacation. I only came in for coffee." The Boss turns to Alice. Alice says, "Not in a trillion years." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe you could keep it in your desk drawer to symbolize our commitment to teamwork." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He looks at the football sticking out of his desk drawer and thinks, "I should have used a golf ball."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attending meetings, #busy, #funding, #get funding, #need a budget, #past year, #top priority, #one task

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "Everything is ready. We just need the budget." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You did get the funding... Didn't you?" The Boss says, "I've been very busy." Dilbert says to The Boss, "This project has been your top priority for over a year!!!" Dilbert says to The Boss, "You only had one task: get funding." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What have you been doing for the past year?! The Boss says, "I remember attending meetings..." Dilbert, holding his head in his hands, cries, "Aay iii yiii yiii!!" The Boss says, "If you need anything, just holler."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obliviousness, #office buildings, #work ethic, #prodcutivity, #cubicles, #one clown car

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Boss: Productivity went down when we moved the engineers from private offices to cubicles. Productivity went down again when we tried to open the office plan. CEO: Have we tried putting all of them in one clown car? Boss: No, but I don't see why that wouldn't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #money, #budget estimate, #project, #one billion dollars, #unreasonable

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Boss: I need a budget estimate for your project. Dilbert: One billion dollars. Boss: That doesn't sound reasonable. Dilbert: I'll shout numbers and you can stop me when one sounds reasonable. Boss: Please stop being you. Dilbert: Eleven!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #mad scientists, #marketing dept, #mice, #one evil genius, #pathways, #rewire, #ontogenetic technology

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Boss: We replaced our entire marketing department with one evil genius. Evil Genius: My optogenic* technology can re-wire the neural pathways of our customers and change their preferences. You like gray. Asok: I like to be gay. *Already works on mice.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #internet & world wide web, #social media cosultant, #one like, #less than ten thousand, #insulting, #elbonian, #inflate your like count, #socialize, #wine glasses, #bar wine, #kiss, #relationships

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Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #suspicion, #startegic engineer group, #worst in one group, #insightful, #business

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Boss: Ted, I'm moving you to a newly formed strategic engineering group. Ted; Are you putting all of your worst employees in one group so you can later eliminate the function and avoid firing each person individually? Boss: You picked a bad time to to become insightful.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exercise & fitness, #fear, #obesity, #insanity workout video, #sixty pounds, #one day, #sweat, #water weight, #obsession

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Wally: Weren't you obese yesterday? Dilbert: I got the "Insanity" workout video. Wally: What kind of exercise makes you lose sixty pounds in one day? Dilbert: I didn't exercise. All I did was watch it. Shaun T: And that was the easy part...