Reduce Wear And Tear Comic Strips - Page 20

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

207 Results for Reduce Wear And Tear

View 191 - 200 results for reduce wear and tear comic strips. Discover the best "Reduce Wear And Tear" comics from Dilbert.com.

Massive Data Breach

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Reducing Headcount By Attrition

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reducing Headcount By Attrition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #injury, #layoff, #osha, #safety

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We need to reduce headcount, but we plan to do it by attrition. We're loosening our safety standards and letting nature do the rest. Voice: Gaaa!!! Ouch!!! CEO: You might want to keep your headphones on for a week or so.

Bitter Losers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bitter Losers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #idea, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #Promotion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.

Wally Needs A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Needs A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #system, #architect, #Promotion, #pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.

Head Banging Outcome

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Head Banging Outcome  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #frustration, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: What happened to your head? Dilbert: I've been banging it against a wall to reduce my frustration with my co-workers. Wally: Is it working? Dilbert: I think so because I don't remember your name.

Thinking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #danger, #employees, #frustration, #office workers, #thinking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Please don't stare at my head. I've been banging it against a wall to reduce my frustration. Alice: That sounds dangerous. Dilbert: I thought so too, at first. Alice: And now? Dilbert: Now I don't think. I'm much happier.

Your Real Scheme

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Your Real Scheme - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #office, #business, #scheme, #power, #costs, #mind, #reader, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: and this method will reduce costs by thirty percent. ted: nice try, but i know your real scheme is to grab power. dilbert: you're not a good mind reader ted: and yet i knew you would say i can't read minds, explain that

Morning Meetings

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Morning Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #morning, #effectiveness, #afternoon, #complain

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my creativity energy is highest in the morning, but you always schedule our meetings then. your ill-timed meetings reduce my effectiveness by eighty percent. boss: what do you do in the afternoons? robert: i use that time to complain about my morning meetings.

Finding Qualified Engineers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Ghosts Use Bitcoin

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ghosts Use Bitcoin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #money, #die, #ghost, #password, #bitcoin, #clothes

View Transcript

Transcript

boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?