Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise money for my kid's school.
Boss: That sounds like communism. I'm out.
Carol: I'll give you a fake receipt so you can expense it.
Boss: Now it sounds like capitalism. I'm in.
Boss: Our new advertising campaign is "Don't be like men." The ad starts with a montage of bad male behavior, from mansplaining to genocide. Then we show our product.
Alice: Did a woman come up with this campaign?
Boss: Stop being like a man.
dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper?
salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it.
dilbert: what would be the point of that?
salesman: you're the one who brought it up.
magazine salesman: our publication is considering naming your company one of the best places to work. on a totally unrelated topic, our sales team will be contacting you about buying lots and lots of advertisements.
boss: and if we don't?
magazine salesman: who would want to work at a company that makes such bad decisions?
salesman in meeting: before i tell you about our newest product, i'd like to tell you a story about a traumatic experience i had as a child.
wally: is your story related to the topic, or is it just an excuse to yammer about something that happened to you?
salesman: i'm trying to manipulaye your emotions to short-circuit your critical thinking.
wally: okay. carry on.
salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product.
dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent.
dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved.
salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it.
dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot?
salesman holding out nda toward dilbert.
dilbert: well? do i?
salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.
