Stopped Coming Comic Strips - Page 20
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Man: I heard you lied about moving the server rack. Dilbert: It isn't true. Man: I heard it from several sources. Dilbert: Each of them heard it from the same source, who was wrong. Man: With that much smoke, there must be a fire. Dilbert: Yes, but it's coming out of your ears.
Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.
Boss: How's your stealth clothing project coming along? Wally: Great. I'm usually testing the prototype in the office. That's why you rarely see me working. Boss: So... the less I see you work, the more successful you must be? Wally: It's just common sense.
Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.
Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?
Boss: I don't know where I left my phone. Can you call it? Dilbert: Sure, but it will make both of us unproductive instead of just you. Narrator: And then there were three. Alice: Gaaaa!!! Where is that ringing coming from???
Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.
Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.
Dilbert: My co-workers make it impossible to work. I hear every one of their phone calls. It's maddening. When they walk past my cubicle it breaks my flow. And don't get me started about the food smells coming from the break room. They ask me one dumb question after another. I don't know who keeps turning up the thermostat. But it's too hot to think. The Boss: Would it help if I threaten to fire you? Dilbert: It's worth a try I'll be in my cubicle pretending to work.