Search Results for "poorly written document"
Share April 04, 1999's comic on:
The Boss and a woman approach Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Peggy the P.R. Director." The Boss continues, "I want you to review her press release for technical accuracy." Peggy presents a document to Dilbert. Dilbert sits and reads it. Peggy watches his reaction. Dilbert asks, "Who wrote this? A trained squirrel?" He continues, "I don't know where to begin." Peggy gets angry as Dilbert takes a pen to the press release. Dilbert says, "I'll cross out the run-on sentences and transparent lies first." Dilbert continues, "Then the failed attempts at cuteness... the spelling errors... grammar." Dilbert returns the press release to a Peggy, who is furious. Dilbert adds, "There you go. Remember, criticism makes you stronger." Dilbert is at home how, clothes torn to shreds, arm in a sling, head bandaged. To Dogbert, he says, "It was a mistake to make her stronger."
Share August 29, 1999's comic on:
Alice has just presented a document to the Boss. As the Boss reads it, he tells her, "Remove that last bullet point. It's stupid." Alice gasps. Alice crosses her arms and says, "Yesterday, you told me to add that bullet point." She continues, "So either you were wrong today or you were wrong yesterday." The Boss ponders this. Alice pokes her head out of the Boss' office to tell the other workers, "Everyone come quickly! He has to admit he's wrong!" Dilbert and Asok sprint down the hall. Wally's head pops up from behind his cubicle wall, elated. Once the other employees are gathered around her, Alice cues the Boss, "Say it." The Boss responds, "Alice heard me wrong yesterday." Alice is furious as everyone continues to stand around her. Wally says, "It takes a big man to admit Alice is wrong." Asok, cupping his hands to his mouth, yells, "Can you hear us Alice?"
Share July 26, 2005's comic on:
The boss: "Alice, where are the quality estimates that I asked you for an hour ago?" "It's between your left arm and your stout torso, about elbow-high." "Stupid elbow."
Share July 15, 2006's comic on:
Dogbert: You're in luck. I've lobbied the governments of several countries to attack your country and liberate you and your oil. Man: We're already a democratic country! You're confusing us with North Elbonia! Dogbert: For a nitpicker, you sure dress poorly.
Share November 16, 2006's comic on:
"Tina, you were only supposed to document our product status, not rewrite the entire scope." "Our CEO loves the new project scope. We'll expect you to do that without extra resources." "Is this a 'neener-neener' situation or more of a 'Who's your daddy?'?"
Share August 08, 2012's comic on:
Asok: This is my new intern. I haven't bothered to name him yet. I've been treated poorly as an intern, and I'm anxious to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Man: I have a name! Carol: He's feisty. I like that.
Share November 28, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Your compensation will be based on achieving these goals. Dilbert: Awesome. It's like written permission to ignore everything else you ask me to do. Boss: It's not like that at all. Dilbert: Get back to me when you finish debating yourself.
Share January 10, 2008's comic on:
The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.
Share March 03, 2008's comic on:
CatBert: This company is like a family. Our culture is based on trust and respect. Now sign this document that says we can test you for drugs and search your computer and your office. Man: Can I borrow your pen? Catbert: Do I look like Bill and Melinda Gates?"