Engineer Of The Year Comic Strips - Page 21
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The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, research this expense and find out what it's for." Dilbert looks at the paper and says, "It's only $2.37." Dilbert exclaims, "It could take all day to track down!" Dilbert continues, "I'm a highly trained engineer, not a clerk." Dilbert crumples up the paper and exclaims, "How can you justify wasting a valuable employee like me on a trivial task like this?!!" The Boss responds, "That reminds me: your project got canceled. This is your only assignment." The Boss does a dance and exclaims, "Woo-hoo! In your face!!!" As The Boss walks away, he thinks, "I wonder if he'll find out I spent $2.37 on his "kudos" award."
Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a package in his hand and says, "Happy service anniversary, Alice." The Boss continues, "We're out of twenty-year pins so I got twenty of the one- year pins." The Boss hands Alice the package and says, "You can pin these babies all over your blouse... or fishing hat if you prefer." The Boss continues, "The card says, 'To Kathy' but it was never opened. For some reason she quit the day she got her twenty pins." The Boss continues, "Incidentally, I have to charge you $262 for the pins. The company doesn't pay for them." Alice holds the box angrily. Alice responds, "First of all, I've only worked here for about six years.." The Boss interrupts, "Wow, you look older. Anyway, just give me the $262 and throw away eight pins and we'll call it good." Alice rolls up her sleeve and shakes with anger. She holds one arm back with the other. The Boss asks, "Why are you rolling up your sleeve? Are you going to pin them to your arm?
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, you need to use your vacation time before the end of the year." Alice responds, "I don't have time. I need to finish my project." The Boss responds, "I'm sure that a highly trained engineer like you can find a solution." Alice responds, "Well.. I could say I'm on vacation and come to work as usual." The Boss responds, "No. I can't count it as vacation unless you're not in the building." Alice responds, "Okay.. I could take home my computer and work there." The Boss says, "No... You're not allowed to access our network remotely." Alice stands outside and leans through a window to use her computer. She thinks, "#!&#% worst vacation ever."
The boss is walking and thinking, "Sometimes a manager must deliver bad news." The boss, behind Dilbert, thinks, "Luckily I enjoy it." The boss says, "Our sales force failed to meet their goals." The boss continues, "So I have to fire an engineer to reduce expenses." Dilbert says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You should fire the incompetent sales people!" Dilber continues, "It's immoral to punish innocent engineers for the sins of sales people! I will fight this all the way!" The boss says, "I'm firing Ted. Not you." Dilbert says, "Fair enough. Can you wait until I borrow his hole puncher?"
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Everything is ready. We just need the budget." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You did get the funding... Didn't you?" The Boss says, "I've been very busy." Dilbert says to The Boss, "This project has been your top priority for over a year!!!" Dilbert says to The Boss, "You only had one task: get funding." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What have you been doing for the past year?! The Boss says, "I remember attending meetings..." Dilbert, holding his head in his hands, cries, "Aay iii yiii yiii!!" The Boss says, "If you need anything, just holler."
Boss: A goo manager leads by example. How does it help an engineer to see an example of how to be a middle manager? Dilbert: That's like teaching physics by showing examples of monster truck rallies. Alice: Should we say dumb things, too, or have you not started leading by example yet? Wally: Now what is he doing/ Are we supposed to do that? Dilbert: I think he's leading by example now! Boss: I'm starting to wonder if everything I read on the Internet is wrong.
Boss: You failed the online ethics course for the third time. You can't be an engineer for this company if you have no grasp of business ethics. You leave me no choice. I'm putting you on the management fast track. Wally: Huh.
Dilbert: Hi. I'm an engineer. That means I have excellent employment potential and I can fix things around the house. Woman: How are your social skills? Dilbert: Wow. Look who wants the moon.
Behold my greatness! I was na engineer at google before I evolved to pure energy! Behold my path that will suck the energy out of you like a monkey on an orange. Good bot, Right in the cup.
Dilbert: Can you show me how to set up temporary credentials for our web services? Alice: Only if you are prepared for your ritual shaming. Dilbert: Yes, always. Alice: Okay, here it goes. What kind of engineer doesn't know how to set up temporary credentials? Ha ha ha ha! I will tell this story for years! Hey, everyone! Guess what Dilbert doesn't know! That should be enough to poison your well of credibility. Dilbert: This isn't a healthy place. Alice: Then why do I feel so alive?