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Dogbert says to Ratbert, "I'll get us some sodas, Ratbert." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Feel free to gnaw on some high voltage wires, or whatever rats do, until I return." Dogbert returns with the cans of soda. Ratbert looks burned and smoke rises from his body. Ratbert says, "I don't know why we do that, but it sure works up a thirst."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert enters and says, "I'm rich! I found a rare stamp that was printed upside down!" Dilbert turns around and takes the stamp. He says to Dogbert, "It's not printed upside down - you were holding it upside down." Dogbert walks away thinking, "It was worth a shot."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've solved an ancient puzzle." Dogbert continues, "I figured out how many angels can dance on the head of a pin!" Dogbert walks away thinking, "I don't care what he thinks . . . The answer is six."
Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Dogbert says, "The trial is going badly, so I'm trying to make a deal with the District Attorney." Dogbert continues, "He offered to give me a Sony Walkman if you will accept the death penalty." Dogbert continues, "I think I can get a Walkman for you, too."
Dogbert sits on a pillow watching tv. He thinks, "The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert walks away thinking, "Those people are idiots. They should all drive over here and proclaim me their king." Dogbert returns to the pillow with a bag of potato chips and thinks, "The secret to happiness is high expectations and your own bag of chips."
Dilbert says to Wally, "I just read that in a few years you will be able to access all of the news and information of the world from your personal computer." Dilbert continues, "You probably saw the same article in today's paper." Wally replies, "I don't read a paper." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "What's wrong with this picture?"
Alice, Dilbert and a man sit at a table eating lunch. Alice is holding a baby in her arms. The Boss enters and says, "Alice, I've been thinking . . . Since your baby was born in the office, have you considered naming it after your boss?" Alice replies, "As a matter of fact, I DID name him after you." As the Boss walks away, Alice says, "Want some more milk, 'Butt Head?'"
Boss: Wally, I can't give you a raise because you accomplished nothing this year. Wally: That's okay because I make a fortune investing in penny stocks. Do you want some hot stock tips? Dilbert: Did you get a raise. Wally: No, but I narrowed the gap between his income and mine.
Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.
Dogbert: Venture capitalists gave us $10 million, but I had to agree to put one ion them on board. TED: Should I be worried that your other board members have a combined I.Q of about 70? Dogbert: They weren't dumb enough to give me $10 million dollars. alligator: Burn!