Late To Meeting Comic Strips - Page 21
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The Boss: "Alice, I've been told that you ignore your team's assignments and work on things that aren't your job." Alice: "That's true. I do important things instead of useless things assigned by clueless nimrods." The Boss: "You totally ruined this meeting."
CEO: The shareholder meeting turned ugly when I said we used all the profits to give ourselves stock options. They don't understand that I wouldn't work as hard if all I got was my million dollar case salary. Id barely have the energy ti spans my secretary. The boss: Too much info
Wally, Dilbert, the Boss, and others are in a meeting. The Boss introduces the woman next to him to the group. The Boss says, "Patty is our new 'process manager.'" The Boss continues, "Patty doesn't know how to DO anything." He adds, "She only knows how to do things BETTER!" Patty raises a finger, "Process!" Patty says, "For example, this meeting is poorly managed because you have no process." Patty, turning to Asok, continues, "And this intern obviously had no process for deciding whether to attend." The Boss raises his hand. He addresses the group, "Okay, Patty is annoying. All in favor of getting rid of her." The entire group, except for Patty, raises their hands. Asok looks like he's going to strangle her. As they all leave the meeting behind the dejected Patty, Dilbert says to her, "You lasted longer than Timmy the 'Facilitator.'"
Wally sits in a metting between Dilbert and Alice. Wally thinks, "I'll have to be proactive to escape this boring meeting." Wally takes a sip from his coffee and thinks, "I'll fake my own death and hope someone drags me into the hallway." Wally says, "Ack!! My coffee is poisoned!" Wally lies on the ground feet in the air. Dilbert says, "Maybe we should drag him into the hallway." Alice says, "No." Alice says, "Let's wait for him to stiffen. Then he'll be easier to drag." Ted says, "We should pose him before he stiffens." Dilbert says, "Something obscene?" Alice says, "Or spread eagle, so he won't fit in a casket." Wally lies on the grouns arms and legs wide with his coffe cup pearched on his face and thinks, "It never pays to be the proactive one."
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, and others are in a meeting. Wally raises his hand and says, "Someone should take care of that problem!" Dilbert turns to Wally and says, "YOU should take care of it." Wally replies, "I can't do everything." Alice says, "You don't do anything." Asok adds, "Not a single thing." Wally says, "It's my job to angrily identify problems." The Boss, with his head in his hands, interjects, "Wally..." The Boss continues, "This is NOT your job!" Wally asks, "What?" Wally is up in arms as he says to the Boss, "Everything is so ambiguous here! Someone should take care of that problem!" Turning to Dilbert, Wally adds, "Is it just me, or is this meeting taking forever?"
"Wally, I want you to attend a meeting for me... It's in Elbonia." "First, you'll need to take a class on their culture so you won't accidently offend them." "This gesture either means "Hello" or "I'd like to see your mittens on my bedroom floor , baby.""
Dilbert: "I hand-picked you two for my team becasue we have no budget." "Wally, your laziness helps you accomplish the most work with the least effort. Yvonne, your hotness give syou the power to make men do what you want for nothing." "So, then Yvonne convinced me to do her work and Wally went on disability leave." Dogbert: "But otherwise, a good meeting?"
Board Meeting "I recommend outsourcing your CEO's job and saving the company $26 million per year." "For $4 per year you can hire an Elbonian CEO who is just as good as this guy." "Now do you understand why you should have renewed my consulting contract?"
There's no purpose for this meeting other than my boss told me to have it. "So let's just sit here silently until our time is up." "Unless you have something better to do." "Not really."