2 Days Comic Strips - Page 21

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256 Results for 2 Days

View 201 - 210 results for 2 days comic strips. Discover the best "2 Days" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work load, #complaints, #inexperinced, #exact opposite, #doesn't know much, #hired useless man, #bad attendence, #not perfect, #ask questions

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Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad days, #decisons, #enviornment, #good days, #happiness, #in your mind, #perceptions, #ticked off, #psychology

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Dilbert: I had a great day yesterday! Garbage Man: No you didn't. Good and bad days are only in your mind. The environment is largely the same as the day before. Dilbert: You're ticking me off. Garbage Man: Or am I?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ten things, #leaders do, #nine habits, #successful people, #article, #time management, #tricks, #good leadership, #listening skills

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Wally: Did you get the link I sent about the ten things all leaders need to do? I also sent you an article about the nine habits of successful people. And I sent you an article about the time management tricks used by successful people. According ti my research. There are 17,429 tricks you need to master to be a good leader. That might seem like a lot. But if you master ten per year, you'll be 1.2% competent by the time you retire. Boss: Why are we having this conversation? Wally: Im going to add "Listening skills" to the list.

Succession Plan

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Succession Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corruption, #power, #succession

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Catbert: Our CEO is missing, so I am activating the succession plan. You're our new CEO. The power will corrupt you in 3... 2... There it is. (The boss changes into a smelly monster)

Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet

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Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #binary, #code, #coding, #developing countries, #frustration, #internet, #technology

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Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.

Dilbert Snips Elbonian Internet

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Dilbert Snips Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #developing countries, #hackers, #hacking, #internet, #technology

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Dilbert: My company sent me to crash the Elbonian Internet in retaliation for hacking us. Elbonian 1: Can you hear me now? Elbonian 2: It's better without the string!

Elbonians Will Rue The Day

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Elbonians Will Rue The Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #backfire, #hacking, #internet, #retaliation, #revenge, #sabotage, #technology

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Dilbert: I destroyed the Elbonian Internet in retaliation for their alleged hacking, as you wished. CEO: Buwhahahaha! They will rue the day they allegedly hacked us. Elbonian 1: I feel more focused already. Elbonian 2: I haven't been angry at idiots all day!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality

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Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.

Click Rate On Death Alerts

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Click Rate On Death Alerts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advertising, #technology, #analytics, #smart watch, #app, #ad, #click, #clickbait, #attention, #distraction

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Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.

The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid

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The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiding, #grid, #off the grid, #bored, #bore, #boredom, #Entertainment

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Dilbert: The government will never find me off the grid. G-Man 1: He went off the grid. G-Man 2: Problem solved. The boredom will kill him in two days. Dilbert: Looking at a stick. Still looking at a stick.