Kept The Thought Comic Strips - Page 21
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Dilbert: Wait. Hold that crazy thought. I need to get a witness in the room. Alice, would you mind coming to the conference room for a minute? Alice: What fresh heck is this? Dilbert: Larry is a sadist and a sociopath, but he hides it when there's more than one witness. So, Larry, what do you think of my project? Coworker: It looks great! I'll be happy to help you in any way I can! Alice: Am I done here? Dilbert: Don't turn your back!
Boss: I just thought of a great idea for increasing workplace productivity. Carol: Does it involve standing near my workplace and yammering while I try to work? Boss: Geez. Who salted the Earth? Carol: Your plan is going great so far.
Boss: Our stock is down 49% and we have no innovative products in the pipeline. CEO: Slash the R&D budget, fire 9,000 employees, and buy a sexy start-up company that we can run into the ground. Boss: We did all of that last year. CEO: Did I already tell the employees to work smarter? Boss: Yes. They thought you were being ironic.
Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview
Boss: See if you can get consensus on your idea and get back to me. Dilbert: Or you could display some leadership and get back to me. Boss: I'm leading you right now. Dilbert: Really? I thought it would feel different.
Boss: Your work history suggests that you might be a job-hopper. Interviewee: Oh, really? Well, I should hop all over you for saying that! Boss: I thought you would be more passive. Interviewee: Wow. You cannot stop stereotyping.
Dogbert: I got a job as a news manufacturer for an online media company. I quote people out of context, add misleading headlines and tie it all up with a snarky bow. Dilbert: I thought the news occurred naturally. Dogbert: "Entineer Thinks News is Magic."
Dilbert: Please stop micromanaging me. Boss: What? I thought I was coaching and mentoring. Do you want some coaching and mentoring? Carol: I'm not a puppet. Keep your hand out of my colon.