Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 21
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262 Results for Tech Support
View 201 - 210 results for tech support comic strips. Discover the best "Tech Support" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 22,
2012
Tags computers & peripherals, machinery, tech support, digital modem, wiring, problem, plumbing, supervisor
Transcript
Dogbert: This is Dogbert's tech support. How many I abuse you? Boss: I think my digital modem is broken. Dogbert: Please hold while I pretend to be testing it. Okay, it looks fine from here. The problem must be in your wiring. You'll have to rip out all of the wiring in your entire house to locate the problem. Boss: Are you sure? Because the lights on the modem aren't even on. Dogbert: That means you have moisture on your internal wiring. You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof. Boss: May I speak with your supervisor? Dogbert: Sure. But he sounds exactly like me.
Sunday February 12,
2012
Tags frustration, tech support, ticket window, evaluated, how helpful, trouble tickets, stubborness, obsticle, financial success, disconnected, new stranger, hating
Transcript
Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.
Sunday April 01,
2012
Tags being freightened, creepy vibe, leadership, obsolete, public speaking, sense of urgency, thread the needle, tech platforms
Transcript
Dogbert: You need to imbue your staff with a sense of urgency. Boss: Gaaa!!! Our technology platforms are obsolete! Dogbert: Try it again with less panic. Boss: We're doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried. Dogbert: That one had a creepy vibe. A sense of urgency is halfway between being too frightened to act and too dumb to know what to do. Boss: Gaaa!!! Duh!!! Dogbert: You didn't quite thread the needle. Boss: Here comes leadership!
Sunday April 08,
2012
Tags lunch date, not attracted, technoloigy, only like tech, people are creepy, delivery system, viruses, germs, picture, photoshop, people hater
Transcript
Tina: Wally, do you want to go to lunch? Wally: No, thanks. I"m a digisexual now. Tina: What: Wally: I'm no longer attracted to people. I only like technology. People creep me out. You're basically a delivery system for viruses, germs, and unreasonable favor requests. I'm willing to take a picture of you, but that's as far as I'll go. Tina: This is the most disturbing conversation I've ever had. Wally: Thank goodness for Photoshop.
Saturday June 23,
2012
Tags fraudulent analysis, total betrayal, shareholders, rational beghavior
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished the fraudulent analysis you requested to support the decision you already made. It's a total betrayal of shareholders and a slap in the face for anyone who values rational behavior. Boss: Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted. Dilbert: You're welcome.
Thursday July 26,
2012
Tags database analyst, tech writer, database anaylst, ignorance with certainty
Transcript
Boss: Tina, our database analyst quit, so I need you to take over that job. Tina: I'm curious... how long do you think it takes to train a tech writer to be a database analyst? Boss: Forty-five minutes. Tina: I like how you punctuate ignorance with certainty.
Saturday October 06,
2012
Tags business ethics, executives, poor persons, ceo morality test, new tech, fracking, grinding porr people, high pressure, shale
Transcript
Dogbert: Imagine I invented a new technology for fracking. It involves grinding poor people into a slurry and pumping it into shale at high pressure. Do you see any problems with that? CEO: Not enough shale! CEO Morality Test
Saturday November 24,
2012
Tags work ethic, projects, meetings, ambiguous golas, no budget, angry team, overworked people
Transcript
Boss: How's your project going? Dilbert: Do you mean the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, no budget, and an angry team of overworked people who want it to die? Boss: No, the other one. Dilbert: Sometimes there isn't an "other one."
Sunday April 14,
2013
Tags inventions, win battle, developing better tv sets, digital couch, butt warmer, bottle opener, back scratcher, control lights, temperature, buttocks like a mouse
Transcript
Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.
Sunday June 16,
2013
Tags interviews, lying, job interview, exaggerate credntials, more effective, business skill, misleading, convince customers, prodcuts, dupe some idiot, learn tech skills, honesty, hr, send offer, liar
Transcript
Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

