Write Funny Song Comic Strips - Page 21

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311 Results for Write Funny Song

View 201 - 210 results for write funny song comic strips. Discover the best "Write Funny Song" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agile programming, #cpmplain, #training, #write code, #no more planning, #no more documentation, #just start writing

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The Boss: We're going to try something called agile programming. "That means no more planning and no more documentation. Just start writing code and complaining." Wally: "I'm glad it has a name." The boos: "That was your training."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech writer, #salary, #number of pages, #high volume, #low quality, #hairball, #pocket, #money

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Tina the tech writer The Boss: "I decided to base your salary on the number of pages you write." Tina: "Fine. I'll give you a high volume of low quality work." The Boss: "Sometimes the best you can do is move the hairball to another pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aligns with priorities, #budget, #lying, #priorities, #questiong

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The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctors office, #doctors note, #sick, #doesn't believe, #waiting room, #ethical, #believe, #lie, #nine diseases, #medical

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Dilbert: I need a doctor's note for the two days of work I missed." Doctor: You look healthy to me. Dilbert: I got better. Doctor: how do I know you were sick? Dilbert: The note just needs to say I was sick. Doctor: so you want me to lie?" It's not a lie. I really was sick. Medical Doctor: If your company doesn't trust you, why should I?" Dilbert: Good point. What if I let the people in your waiting room cough on me? Then you can write a note saying I have what they have. Doctor: As long as I didn't recommend it. I think that passes ethical muster." The Boss: You have nine diseases?" Dilbert: That have names.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billions in bad loans, #bug pay cut, #regulatory oversight

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CEO: We've decided to write off 47 billion dollars in bad loans. You might think this is my fault, but in actuality it is all caused by poor regulatory oversight. Who is in favor of those guys taking a big pay cut? Anyone?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #80thousand, #forboding, #funny story, #paper, #print long document, #printer paper

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The Boss says, "Ted, I have a funny story for you!" Ted says,"Why am I filled with a sense of foreboding?" The Boss says, "So I was trying to print a long document, hee-hee!" The Boss says, "But when I went to the printer, the document wasn't there!" The Boss says, "For the next three days I kept trying and trying, but the document never showed up at the printer!" The Boss says, "It turns out I was checking the wrong printer. The right printer used $80,000 worth of paper that week." Ted says, "And how does this affect me?" The Boss says, "You and paper just became an either-or situation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bought entire era system, #software, #money, #boat sinkiing, #anchor to head, #staff, #out of money, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We inadvertently bought an entire ERP system without any software. Now we're out of money." Asok says, "Why do I suddenly feel like my boat is sinking and someone nailed an anchor to my head?" The Boss says, "If only someone on my staff could write the software in his spare time..." Asok says, "Glub glub glub"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vp of finance, #secret offshore bank, #forgot account number, #password, #name of country, #not so good

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Wally is the new VP of Finance A troll says, "I moved all of our cash to a secret offshore bank." The troll says, "But I forgot to write down the account number. Or the password. Or the name of the country." The troll says, "And... I'm not entirely sure it was a bank." Wally thinks, "First day, not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #sales, #annoyance, #anger, #business

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man says, "Thanks to a new law, every customer In my sales territory needed to upgrade." man says, "Now I wear a hat made of money. The funny thing is that I'm not even a good salesman." man says, "Next week, the donuts are on me." Alice says, "Die! Die! Die!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #questions, #business, #reasoning, #thinking, #plants

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Dilbert says, "You're watering a plastic plant." man says, "yes, I am." Dilbert says, "Why?" man says, "Funny story." Many says, "Your boss replaced the live plants with plastic ones to save money." man says, "My company has the contract to water your office plants." Man says, "No one ever cancelled our contract." Man says, "Now my career is less important than a gnat's toot in a hurricane." man says, "But it's still way better than sitting in a fabric-covered box all day." Dilbert thinks, "I need to stop talking to people."