Rivals In Management Comic Strips - Page 21

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View 201 - 210 results for rivals in management comic strips. Discover the best "Rivals In Management" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee moral survey, #open, #honest, #communication from management, #death spiral, #looting comaony, #noise, #fishing lures, #e, #ploys suffer, #boss likes hurting, #sick boss, #negative force

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"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech solution, #simple, #cost fortune, #internal approvals, #vast herds, #management dolts

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Dilbert: "The technical solution is simple and inexpensive." "But it would cost a fortune to get internal approvals because vast herds of management dolts would get involved." "So I should just do it, right?" The Boss: "Did you just call me a vast herd?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #key board, #not unique, #carol adjusts, #making no sense

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The Boss: My keyboard looks exactly like everyone else's. The Boss: I need more of a management key board with special keys and that sort of thing. Carol: And the "{" becomes the newly discovered letter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #magic management, #doubted powers, #single employee, #hard at work

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Wally: Tinkle tinkle tinkle. "Boss approaching." The Boss: "Thanks for the magic management necklace! I have to admit that I doubted its powers." The Boss: "But since I've been wearing it, I haven't seen a single employee who wasn't hard at work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #functions to outsorce, #dont do well, #management, #sales, #quality control, #core competenece, #brown table startegy, #business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #smell like manager, #fiery concoction, #agree with me, #breath enhancer, #around up cigarettes, #farm shovels, #coffee

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Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk. He points to a bottle and says to The Boss, "A good manager needs to smell like a manager." Dogbert continues, "Your breath should be a fiery concoction that says, "Agree with me or die." Dogbert picks up the bottle and says, "Try 'Dogbert's Management Breath Enhancer.' made from ground-up cigarettes, farm shovels, and coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #announce record losses, #graphics department, #inebriated simians, #ratbert, #drawing, #monkey, #animals

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The Boss says to Dogbert, "We need to announce our record losses in a way that doesn't make management look like..." Dogbert finishes The Boss' sentence, "Inebriated simian miscreants?" The Boss replies, "Right." Headline: Graphics Department. Ratbert holds up a drawing of a monkey. Dogbert responds, "They want to go in a whole other direction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career counseling, #hear myself talk, #roll their eyes, #nod and smaile, #babble, #punish people, #management aptitude test

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Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior management knows, #key employees, #hard imes, #bonuses, #black mailing themselves, #sound bad, #huge retention

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Senior management knows they need to retain key employees during hard times." The Boss continues, "That's why they're giving themselves huge retention bonuses." Alice responds, "So, they're blackmailing themselves?" The Boss says, "You can make anything sound bad."