Waste Of Time Comic Strips - Page 21

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1000 Results for Waste Of Time

View 201 - 210 results for waste of time comic strips. Discover the best "Waste Of Time" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet, comment, jerk, forum, argument, anger, frustration, language, technology

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Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

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Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, negotiate, negotiations, racket, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, insult, healing, doctor, ego, medical

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Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.

Employee Hat With Sensors

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Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mind control, thoughts, police, policing, work ethic, leisure, daydreaming, control, surveillance, legal

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Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

Asok Returns From Fbi

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Asok Returns From Fbi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags racism, arrest, terrorist, terrorism, protest, friendship, relationship, commitment, apathy, relationships

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Asok: The FBI held me for three weeks on suspicion that I was a terrorist. I assume you were protesting outside the FBI building the entire time and they didn't tell me. Because racism? Dilbert: Oh, right. Yes. We were protesting the entire time.

Meetings Are Dense

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Meetings Are Dense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, time, perception, joke, insult, stupid, obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to Einstein, time flows more slowly in meetings than it does in empty space. That's because people are dense. Boss: Is that true? Alice: For you it is.

Doubling Percieved Lifespan

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Doubling Percieved Lifespan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, time, boredom, sarcasm, lifespan, life, business

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Dilbert: Researchers discovered a way to double the perceived length of a human's life. It's something called "meetings." Boss: Can we start now? Dilbert: I though we were already an hour into it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gestures, etiquette, male, Men, masculinity, social norms

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Dilbert: I never know the right time to high-five. I feel as if I should automatically know, like a male instinct. For example, when do you initiate a high-five and when do you simply yell "woo-hoo?" Those situations look the same to me. What's my problem? Alice: So many things. But in this specific case, the problem is your total lack of masculinity. Dilbert: High-five?

Bad Negotiator

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Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temperature, disagreement, negotiation, compromise, thermostat

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Alice: It's freezing in here. Dilbert: I'm hot. Put on a sweater. Alice: Why am I the one who has to change? You should wear a sweater made of ice packs. Dilbert: It's time to admit I'm a bad negotiator.