Ceo Comic Strips - Page 21

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627 Results for Ceo

View 201 - 210 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chain of command, district manager, ceo, braille toad, questions

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Boss: I send your question up the chain of command. I talked to the district manager who talked to his AVP who talked to his VP who talked to his SVP who talked to the CEO. The answer is that we need to shine the braille toad. Dilbert: Do you see any problem with our system?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gadgets, laziness, mobile (cell) phones, smartphone business, strangles, lazy

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CEO: We're going into the smartphone business. Smartphones are basically gadgets, and we already make gadgets, so how hard could it be? Dilbert: If you strangle me now, I promise I won't resist. Boss: That sounds lazy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, millennial employee, bureacracy, poor communication, task force, regular updates, business

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Boss: Our millennial employees keep quitting because of our bureaucracy and poor communication. CEO: Form three task forces to look into it. But don't tell any of the task forces that there are two others doing the same thing. Boss: Should I give you regular updates? CEO: Nah.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, public opinion, feel engaged, meeting, appearences, business

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CEO: Before I make my decision, I'd like to ask for your opinions. It's supposed to make you feel "engaged." Dilbert: And you actually plan to listen to us? CEO: I'm hoping it will look that way on the outside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, managers & supervisors, reorganizing, overthinking, business

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CEO: I'm reorganizing the company and giving every manager a new job. Boss: Why? CEO: You're over-thinking it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags delusional sociopath, executives, gardener, goat writing autobiograohy, hallucinations, hard work, intuition, magical thinking, non-fiction, vision, regrets

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Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, patents, patent applications, desiccated turnip

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CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gadgets, tablet computer, dime sized computer, lick it, attach to eyeballs, fail, fast fail, finish in month

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CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fear, inventions, machine learning, track customers, machines take over, annihilate all humans

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CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fantasy, emotional connection, fantasizing

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CEO: We need to form an emotional connection with our customers. Wally: Does fantasizing count? CEO: Trade seats with me. Wally: I'm doing it right now.