Huge Spoon Comic Strips - Page 21

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228 Results for Huge Spoon

View 201 - 210 results for huge spoon comic strips. Discover the best "Huge Spoon" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work load, #complaints, #drowning in work, #priorotize, #fax, #new guy set, #faxing project, #reading comics

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The Boss: "Carol, the new manager hasn't hired an admin. so I said he could share you." Carol: "What?!!" "I'm drowning in work, and you want to double my load???!!!" The boss: "It's no big deal. Just prioritize your work." "And I need you to fax this." Carol: "No can do." "My top priority is getting the new guy all set up." The Boss: "Hmmm... I guess that's fair. I'll send him over." Carol: "I can't order your business cards, I need to do a huge faxing project!" "Hee hee! Marmaduke is sitting on something again!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buiness stragey, #list, #past years, #no afraid of change, #deserve bonus, #generous, #good looking, #rhetorical question

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Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competitor, #better job, #employment agreement, #knowledge or skills, #crazy, #clamp, #suck, #took away, #verbal skills, #golf ball head

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An employee says to The Boss, "I quit. I got a better job with our competitor." The Boss responds, "Okay, but remember the employment agreement you signed." The Boss continues, "You agreed to not take away knowledge or skills you acquired at this job." The employee replies, "That's crazy. How can I stop knowing what I learned?" Catbert enters and says, "Come with me." There is a huge contraption with a suction cup. The employee looks up at it and asks, "Will this hurt?" Catbert responds, "I hope so." The machine clamps on the employee's head and makes the sounds, "Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck." Catbert is working the controls. He says, "Ha ha!! I got your technical knowledge! And there go your verbal skills!" The employee has nothing left but a tiny ball for a head. He says, "Great. Now what do I do?" Catbert responds, "I'd stay away from the golf course."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new ustomer, #sign it, #write it, #valable time, #trapped in endless loop, #criticized, #start over, #write letter yourslef

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The Boss calls after Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to write a letter to our new customer." Dilbert follows The Boss down the hall. The Boss continues, "I'll tell you what to say, then you'll go write it and I'll sign it." The Boss sits at his desk and continues, "This way I won't waste my valuable executive time." He pauses and then continues, "It's efficient." Dilbert responds, "Yes, that's one possible outcome." He pauses and then continues, "Here's another." Dilbert continues, "You'll keep forgetting to mention important things that should be in the letter." Dilbert continues, "I'll be trapped in an endless loop of writing, tracking you down, getting criticized and starting over." Dilbert continues, "Or you could simply write the letter yourself and save us both a huge hassle." The Boss responds, "In paragraph one, say something like 'Hi.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #employees, #hiring and budget problem, #perfromance review, #three people, #will resign, #slightest criticism, #pre google thinking, #business

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Alice: Before we start my performance review, I should remind you that it would take three people to replace me. And I will resign at the slightest criticism, leaving you with a huge hiring and budget problem. Boss: This was supposed to make you nervous, not me. Alice: That think is so pre-Google.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #mergers & acquisitions, #worry, #short poition, #cartoon cat, #bloom county, #Comic Strip, #mantra, #bill ackman, #stocks, #defective people

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Dilbert: Bill Ackman just took a huge short position in our stock. Boss: I"m not worried about a cartoon cat from an old "Bloom County" comic strip. Dilbert: Maybe I care too much. Wally: That is the mantra of all defective people.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #morning, #morning people, #sleepiness, #sleepy, #waking up, #prodcutive, #early, #brushed teeth, #face cream, #confused

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Alice: I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person so I can be more productive. I've been getting up at 4:30 every day, and so far, so good. Dilbert: So... no problems at all? Alice: Nothing huge. I've brushed my teeth with face cream a few times.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad karma, #cereal, #demon, #devil, #fear, #insufficient light, #laziness, #leftover cereal, #managing vibe, #menace, #spoon

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Phil: I am Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I got a report that you wished bad karma upon your co-workers. Dilbert: You would put off a more menacing vibe if you didn't have leftover cereal in your pitchspoon. Phil: I was really hungry and I didn't feel like emptying the dishwasher. Dilbert: We've all been there.

Brainstorm With Other Engineers

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Brainstorm With Other Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product design, #managers, #marketing, #simplicity, #complication, #inventions, #ideas, #business

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Boss: Our marketing people tell me your double-handed coffee mug could be a huge seller. Brainstorm with the other engineers and see if it needs more features. Wally: Do you have any other ideas for ruining the product, or should I focus on that one?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

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Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.