Stealing Stuff Comic Strips - Page 21
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207 Results for Stealing Stuff
View 201 - 207 results for stealing stuff comic strips. Discover the best "Stealing Stuff" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 16,
2019
Old Time Chair
Tags #business, #chair, #office, #office workers, #ergonomics
Transcript
office worker: are you still using an old-time chair? office worker: i sit on a giant rubber ball because of all the ergonomics and stuff. office worker yelling: i'm better than you!!! dilbert: i wondered if there was a summary coming.
Sunday June 30,
2019
Beg And Pay Store
Tags #business, #office, #buying, #selling, #begging, #internet
Transcript
dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!
Sunday October 27,
2019
Boss Negotiates With Elbonia
Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate
Transcript
Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?
Sunday March 29,
2020
Dilbert Did Not Say That
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #boss, #prototype, #authority, #idiot, #liar, #innocent, #guilty
Transcript
co-worker: why did you tell our pointy-haired boss we need to do more testing on the prototype? dilbert: i didn't do anything of the sort. co-worker: carl says you did. dilbert: who is a better authority on what i said - a guy who wasn't in the room or me? co-worker: good question. on one hand, carl is an idiot and a known liar. on the other hand, it is common for guilty people to say they are innocent. dilbert: what do innocent people say when you accuse them of stuff? co-worker: who knows? just do't do it again. dilbert under distress: i didn't do it once!!!
Thursday March 12,
2020
Selling Private Data
Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend
Transcript
dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.
Wednesday September 09,
2020
Spreading Virus
Tags #coronavirus, #covid-19, #business, #health, #spread, #face mask, #happiness, #immune system, #medical, #Advice, #doctor, #manage
Transcript
dogbert: they say the best way to manage the coronavirus is to spread it to people you dislike. the happiness you get from that will boost your immune system. dilbert: maybe i'll get medical advice from an actual doctor. dogbert: they leave out the good stuff.
Saturday November 07,
2020
Coffee Productivity
Tags #technology, #business, #projects, #productive, #medical, #coffee, #lie, #medical-grade coffee
Transcript
wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.