Upgrade Later Comic Strips - Page 21

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View 201 - 210 results for upgrade later comic strips. Discover the best "Upgrade Later" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2006's comic on:


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"Dilbert, this is Amber Dextrous, your new co-worker." "Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you." "She's going for the hug." "Oh heck, I'll just go with the flow and for once not be the socially awkward one." "She wasn't going for the hug. She shakes with both hands." "She's the perfect employee. She can do two things at the same time!" "Human resources surgically separated the two sides of her brain so she can multitask." Two days later "I'm sorry to report that Amber drowned while trying to talk and drink water at the same time." "Human resources would like to see you after this meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"There's one thing you should know..." "Whoa, whoa, Asok!" "What?" "Never tell him anything when he's distracted." "He won't remember what you say. Later he'll blame you for not telling him." "Also avoid telling him anything when he's angry, late, or busy." "And don't tell him anything when he's tense or hungry." "That doesn't leave much." "I usually wait for a yawn." Yawn! "My project is behind schedule because the vendor lied!!!" "The next one is all yours."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Would you like to buy a candy bar for my daughter's school fundraiser?" "No thanks. I'm not hungry." "That's not really the point." "Why would I buy an overpriced candy bar if I didn't plan on eating it right away?" "You'd do it because your coworker asked you to." "That's a reason?" "Yes, it is." "In that case, I'll take one." Five minutes later "Hey, coworker, would you like to buy a half-eaten candy bar?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2005's comic on:


Tags #ceo visist, #donuts, #taste test, #all donuts, #dont panic, #fix donuts, #screaming, #fresh and delicious

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The Boss: "Carol, I want to be certain that everything is perfect for the CEO's visit." "Check the doughnuts to make sure that they're fresh and delicious." Later Carol: Mmm... This one is okay." "How can I be sure this isn't the one good doughnut in the batch." "I'll have to taste every one of them." The Boss: "CAROL!!!" Carol: "Don't panic. I can fix this." "This is odd: Most of my doughnut is delicious, but one part tastes like gum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #upcoming, #annual performance review, #finish on time, #agree to disagree, #no raise, #excuses, #disrespect for workers, #annual review, #not paying, #not fare wages

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"Your project deadline is next month, and I can't imagine you finishing on time." "So I dinged you on your annual performance review." "But... I will finish on time." "Well, let's agree to disagree."<r>"What?!" "You're basing my raise on what you IMAGINE I won't do in the furture!" "Relax. If you do finish the project on time, I'll factor it into your next annual review." "Well... Okay. I guess it all averages out." One Year Later "Remember the project that I finished last year?" "No. But the new one looks like it will be late."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #regular goals, #stretch goals, #sacrifice health, #personal life, #criminal conduct, #bonus, #salaries below budget, #ultra stretchy, #employee rights, #taken advantage, #cheat employee

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"Here are your regular goals and here are your stretch goals." "What's the difference?" "The regular goals can be achieved by sacrificing health and your personal life." "The stretch goals require all of that plus some sort of criminal conduct." "I'm guessing that your boss gave uou the regular goals and you came up with the stretch goals on your own." "That way, When I achieve the regular goals you'll get a raise because I missed the stretch goals." "Then you'll get a bouns for salaries below budget." "Maybe we should talk about the ultra-stretch goals later."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2005's comic on:


Tags #wrong budget, #no probelms, #unrealitic, #failure, #deceptive forecstas, #believe the lie, #deception, #optimism, #few hours, #perfect budget

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"This budget would only work if the project encountered no problems whatsoever." "So?" "All projects have unexpected problems. Therefore, this budget is almost certainly wrong." "Leaders do not plan for failure." "Do leaders make deceptive forecasts and later act shocked when things don't work out?" "No." "A leader first makes himself believe the lie, thus turning deception into an inspiring form of optimism. Observe." "GAAA!!! BELIEVE! BELIEVE!" "The swelling will go down in a few hours. Then we'll have a perfect budget." "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil wind blowing, #dark soul, #evil director, #human resources, #employee survey, #over reacted, #well being, #business

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"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #easy news cahnnel, #easy to gather, #countries want to kill u.s., #no phones, #two middle aged white guys, #they hate us, #we are wonderful, #buy book

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"Good evening. This is the Dogbert Easy News Channel." "We bring you all the news that's easy to gather." "Today's top story is about something that was first reported in a newspaper and later read by me." "People in other countries want to kill us. The rest of the article is mostly names I can't pronounce." "We thought about asking them why they want to kill us, but they don't have phones." "So here's the next best thing: a debate between two middle-aged white guys who also don't know why people want to kill us." "They hate us because we are so wonderful." "Buy my book or you will all die!" "Next on Easy News, our panelists wll discuss dumb crooks who keep getting stuck in chimneys." "Excellent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #new director, #wist decision support, #out source contracts, #north elbonia, #government reward

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"My job could not be more meaningless." "I'm looking at my new Director of Post-Decision Support!" "After I make a decision, your job is to figure out why it was the right one." "Save those tears of joy for later. We've got work to do!" "SOB!" "I decided to outsource our nuclear contracts to North Elbonia." "And in return, they'll give us food, if they ever figure out how to grow any." "I expect some fallout from this decision." "Me too." "On the plus side, it won't be long before there's a government reward for killing him."