Walk Past Comic Strips - Page 21
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Dilbert points to a screen that says, 'Schedule 8 Months." Dilbert says, "In a perfect world, the project would take eight months." Dilbert points to another screen and says, "But based on past projects in this company, I applied a 1.5 incompetence multiplier." Dilbert continues, "And then I applied an L.W.F. of 6.3." The Boss asks, "L.W.F?" Alice answers, "Lying Weasel Factor."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Don't e-mail your answer to my boss until I've reviewed it." Dilbert responds, "Um... Okay." Dilbert asks, "May I walk to my cubicle now or would you like to review the route first?" The Boss replies, "Now that you mentioned it, I can't release."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Maybe it's a good thing that I was demoted to work among you noble little people." The Boss continues, "I have gained valuable empathy that will serve me well if I ever become a manager again." Carol walks past and says, "You've been promoted." The Boss exclaims, "Yee- Ha!! I'm not a loser!!"
Wally says to The Boss, "Over the past year, most of my coworkers have managed expensive projects that failed." Wally continues, "I've done nothing but drink coffee. So on an economic basis, that makes me your top performer." Wally takes a sip of coffee and says, "Watch and learn."
Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. He thinks, "My vacation starts in ten minutes." Dilbert continues to think, "I tied up all of my loose ends. I only need to walk out the door." The Boss approaches and tells Dilbert, "I told a reporter that we designed a computer made entirely of recycled paper."
The grim reaper prods Dilbert forward with his staff. The grim reaper says, "I was a grim reaper until I started taking antidepressants." The walk towards a cave labeled, "Death." The grim reaper continues, "I still reap, because I like the work. But I'm not grim." Dilbert asks, "Am I dead?" The grim reaper responds, "No, I'm over my limit today, so I'm doing catch-and-release."
Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."
The Boss is meeting with an employee. The Boss says, "So Ted has been training you for the past six months." The Boss continues, "Based on your work, I'd say he's playing the world's longest practical joke on you." The employee is visibly angry. He approached Ted. Ted says, "Sometimes there's a fine line between criminally abusive behavior and fun."
Headline: Coffee Rehab. A nurse comes towards Wally and says, "No soda, no tea, no chocolate." Wally is clenching his teeth and sweating. The nurse continues, "You're allowed one piece of luggage and you have to carry it yourself." Wally runs past the nurse holding a huge coffee mug-shaped suitcase. The nurse says, "I might want to take a look inside that bag."
"We're not 'level conscious' here." "You could walk up to any vice president's office and talk to his secretary as if you were an equal." "Which, by the way, you're not. So don't try to make direct eye contact."