Who Saves Most? Comic Strips - Page 21

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248 Results for Who Saves Most?

View 201 - 210 results for who saves most? comic strips. Discover the best "Who Saves Most?" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #television news, #act like idiots, #mirror, #details in mirror

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Dogbert: In today's news, people all over the world continued to act like idiots. Most of the time it didn't turn out well. For details, look in your mirror.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #miserliness, #wages, #good work, #saves billons, #no raise, #personal item, #on desk, #insoubordination, #abuse of power, #boss, #money

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Boss: Alice, your good work has saved the company over a billion dollars. But I can't give you a raise because you once had a personal item on your desk. Alice: How are those things equal?!! Boss: And here comes the insubordination.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2014's comic on:


Tags #efficiency experts, #employee tracking, #wandering aorund, #meetings, #restroom trips, #employee monitoring, #wrist monitor, #low levels of caffeine, #typos up, #beat authority figure, #tablet computer, #danger signals, #workloads

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Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #customer survey, #flying car, #idiots, #new software, #people who buy, #survey, #cafe, #coffee cup

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Dilbert: I have the results of our customer survey. The new software feature they want most is "Flying car" Boss: Did you survey any people who aren't idiots? Dilbert: No, I only surveyed people who buy from us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #pessimism, #start up idea, #pivoting, #optimisim, #enthusiam, #doomed

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Dilbert: I have an idea for a start-up. Dogbert: You're doomed. Dilbert: Maybe the first idea won't work, but I'll keep pivoting until something does. Dogbert: You're doomed. Dilbert: The most important thing is that I need to keep my optimism and enthusiasm high. Dogbert: You're doomed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #power (social sciences), #boss, #emplyee, #team members, #decisions, #all equal, #saprtacus, #business

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Boss: I dislike the words "boss" and "employee." From now on, we are all "team members." I'll be the team member that makes the decisions and gets paid the most. You'll be the team members I punish when things go wrong. Dilbert: But otherwise we are all equal? Boss: Whoa! Calm down, Spartacus.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #bad advice, #projects, #work load, #freaking out, #tackle, #unpleasant tasks first, #wrong order

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Dilbert: I have too many projects. I'm freaking out. Boss: Experts say you should tackle the most unpleasant tasks first, so you have a feeling of accomplishment and control. Dilbert: Now I have too many projects and some extra anxiety that I'm doing them in the wrong order. Boss: Off you go.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #frankness, #goals, #honesty, #managers, #root cause, #bad parenting, #pointy headed boos, #underlings, #rapidly evolving nature, #talented employee, #boss life story

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Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

Single Dilbert Is Valuable

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Single Dilbert Is Valuable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #competition, #dating, #low standards, #Men, #market value, #single guy, #low bar, #tall, #employed, #height, #relationships

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Dilbert: I'm starting to realize that my market value as a single guy is higher than I thought. Men such as you have set the bar so low that all I need to do is have a job and be taller than most women in heels. I thought they were turned on by my tube clothing, but they actually like me for me. Wally: You're welcome.

Dating Is A B Testing

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Dating Is A B Testing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #analysis, #comparison, #dating, #first date, #judging, #a-b testing, #click with, #analytics, #measuring, #too many questions, #relationships, #science

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Woman: Have you been dating a lot? Dilbert: I call it A-B testing. I go on dates and then compare the analytics to see who I click with most.Woman: What exactly are you measuring? Dilbert: Asks too many questions.