2003 Comic Strips - Page 21
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Character
Sunday July 20,
2003
Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."
Monday July 21,
2003
Tags psychics on televison, software testing staff, one medium, punish them
Transcript
"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"
Tuesday July 22,
2003
Tags mandatory online training, system crashed, retake training
Transcript
"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"
Wednesday July 23,
2003
Tags being male, excellence award, bend metal, steel spike, highest paid, department
Transcript
Dilbert: I need to find a way to bend this steel rod into a 'U.' Wally: I'll take care of it. I won the prestigious "steel spike award" For engineering excellence. Alice: what??!! Wally: I guess its validation for being the highest paid in the department....and for being male.
Thursday July 24,
2003
Tags unfunded man date, my delivery, no one laughs, unemployed guy
Transcript
Tina: I went to a movie with an unemployed guy. I call that an unfunded man date. The unemployed guy didn't laugh either, Maybe its my delivery,
Friday July 25,
2003
Tags unnesccesry cahnges, irrelevant document, while and dance, working, be happy too
Transcript
The Boss: I made a few suggestions. Dilbert: I'll be happy to make these unnecessary changes to this irrelevant document. The Boss: Stop acting happy. Dilbert: Can I whistle and dance while I work?
Saturday July 26,
2003
Tags subatomic particle, statisfied cutomers, arthur quark, george meaon, signed certificate
Transcript
Dogbert: "For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you." "Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark, and George Meson." "It comes with an unsigned certificate!" Dilbert: "I like 'em clean."
Sunday July 27,
2003
Tags surplussed ted, absorb function, 2 jobs one salary, absorb his funtion, osmosis, symbiosis, syneregy, key learning, tragic series, monkey brained
Transcript
"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."
Monday July 28,
2003
Tags new ad campiagn, music from artsits, willing to sell out, dead musicians, not descomposed
Transcript
Our new as caiman willies familiar music from artists who are willing to sell out. Due to budget cuts, we'll limit our search to musicians who are dead but not yet totally decomposed. MAKEUP!!!!
Tuesday July 29,
2003
Tags price quote, every expense, alice side agreement, hidden costs, customer punch vendor, freaking weasel
Transcript
"As you requested, this price quote includes absolutely every expense you'll incur!" "If that's true, you won't mind signing the 'Alice Side Agreement." "'In the event of hidden costs, customer will repeatedly punch vendor while telling 'you freaking weasel!'" "Pen?"


