2019 Comic Strips - Page 21

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Job Has No Meaning

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Job Has No Meaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, employment, job, salary, meaningful

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Dilbert: My job doesn't have meaning. Dogbert: If your employer added meaning to your job, would you agree to a cut in pay? Dilbert: No. Dogbert: I guess we just found the economic value of "meaning".

Hallucinations At Meetings

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Hallucinations At Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, server, hallucinate, network

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in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.

Half Are Doing All The Work

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Half Are Doing All The Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, employment, fire, work

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boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.

The New Consultant

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The New Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, success

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the new consultant: i'll need the support of every department to make this project a success. boss: i won't get any credit if your project succeeds, and you'll be gone in a month. consultant: can i count on you to not sabotage the project? boss: you're coming off as needy.

Consultant Gets No Help

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Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, lazy, managers & supervisors, selfish, stupid

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the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

Employee Engagement Survey

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Employee Engagement Survey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors

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boss: the employee engagement survey results are in. aaand...not a single person answered the survey. looks like we have room to improve. dilbert: have you considered bribery?

Thanking Everyone By Name

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Thanking Everyone By Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, name

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boss: i'd like to thank each member of the team by name...i'll start with what's-his-face here. voice from crowd: it's dilbert. boss: no, that's not it. you look like steve.

The Opinionated Old Guy

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The Opinionated Old Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, internet & world wide web, old, Opinion

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the opinionated old guy: that idea will never work! unless you know some kind of "magic" that sends data through the air. dilbert: i call it wi-fi. opinionated old guy: pffft! no one wants that.

Bad Hair Day

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Bad Hair Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags angry, boss, employees, employment, hair, hairstyles, meetings, threat, warning

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Boss: Alice, why aren't you at this meeting? Alice: I'm having a bad hair day. Boss: That's no reason to miss a meeting! Alice: You don't understand. It's really, really bad. Boss: Come to the meeting right now, or you're fired! Gurk! Dilbert: That's bad hair. Alice: Can't say I didn't warn him.

Can't Succeed Within The Rules

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Can't Succeed Within The Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, failure, managers & supervisors, rules, success

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dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.