Dilbert: As you requested, I wrote a VR program that makes users feel as if they are in cubicles. I put only your name on the credits because I expect an angry mob to kill whoever created it. I also wrote a VR jail program in case you want to be in protective custody. Boss: I might need that.
Dilbert: The company that insures our mobile phone product is angry because 100 percent of our phones break in the first minute. They say it's a disaster and it is putting them out of business. What should I tell them? Boss: Tell them they should have gotten some sort of insurance.
Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.
Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen... Carol: Alice says you deleted her files on the server. Dilbert: That didn't happen. She's nuts. Carol: Ha! You wouldn't be so angry if it weren't true. Dilbert: What? That doesn't even make sense. Carol: That's exactly what guilty people say. Narrator: Continued...
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Dilbert: Today a dozen people got angry at me because they believed I was privately thinking the opposite of what I was saying. Why can't people just listen to my words?? Dogbert: Have you tried not being boring? Dilbert: Whenever I tell you I have one problem, I leave with two.
Boss: Did you finish the product redesign?
Dilbert: You never told me to redesign the product.
Boss: I don't want any excuses!
Dilbert: You never told me to redesign anything.
Boss: Whoa! Leave your pretzel logic at home. You need to learn how to take responsibility for your failures.
Dilbert: Okay...I take full responsiblity for you not telling me what you wanted me to do.
Boss: You're not doing it right.
Dilbert: Should I slap myself while saying it?
tina: ...and then mark said...
dilbert: stop talking about mark! dilbert is visually angry.
dilbert: all you do is talk about mark! i am so sick of mark. please talk about anything but mark. dilbert is still visually angry.
tina: someone told me you'd say that.
dilbert: was his name -- MARK? dilbert angry.
dogbert to dilbert: this is my service human.
office worker on leash.
dogbert: whenever i feel angry, i slap him with a rolled-up magazine to help me relax.
service human: no one reads magazines anymore.
dogbert: can i borrow your iPad?
Boss: Alice, why aren't you at this meeting?
Alice: I'm having a bad hair day.
Boss: That's no reason to miss a meeting!
Alice: You don't understand. It's really, really bad.
Boss: Come to the meeting right now, or you're fired! Gurk!
Dilbert: That's bad hair.
Alice: Can't say I didn't warn him.
