Problem Getting Dressed Comic Strips - Page 22
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Dilbert and Bob the Dinosaur sit at a table. Dilbert says, "My problem is that other people keep trying drag me down, Bob." Dilbert continues, "My theory is that people denigrate me because it makes them feel superior in comparison." Bob replies, "Sounds like a stupid theory to me."
A frazzled man says to Dilbert, "Normally I'm all stressed out during the holidays, but not this year." The man continues, "I eliminated my shopping stress by getting everybody the 'Flabmaster Thigh-Toning Support Socks.'" Dilbert replies, "Their commercials sound better the closer you get to Christmas." The man says, "You can build muscle just lying on the couch!"
Ratbert hides behind the chair thinking, "There's Dilbert . . . I'll sneak up and hug his leg until he loves me and accepts me in the family." Ratbert jumps on Dilbert as he leaves the house. Ratbert says to Wally, "A rat is clinging to my leg." Wally replies, "I had that problem till I switched to 'Old Spice.'"
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the hassock watching television. Dilbert yells from another room, "Dogbert! Ratbert! Come quickly, I found a hole in the fabric of space!" Dilbert, Dogbert and Ratbert look at a small hole. Dilbert says, "We must look inside, but it's too incredibly dangerous." Dogbert kicks Ratbert into the hole and Dilbert says, "Thanks." Dogbert replies, "No problem."
Dilbert says to a classroom of children, "The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe." Dilbert continues, "Engineers prefer to work as 'consultants' on project teams. That way there's no real work, blame is spread across the group, and you can crush any idea from marketing!" Dilbert continues, ". . . And sometimes you get free donuts just for showing up!" The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom."
At company headquarters, someone asks, "Does anybody have a plan for getting rid of the employees?" Another person answers, "Well, they're bad at math; we could offer deceptively small sums of money to people who retire." Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "Hey, this could be good." Wally says, "It's been a long time since I had to calculate the cosine of anything."
A woman stands in front of the Boss's desk holding a device. The woman says, "My 'defantalator' invention can eliminate the unproductive and naughty thoughts of your male employees." The woman continues, "We succeeded in getting men to stop ACTING like men, but it wasn't enough. Men must stop THINKING like men too." The Boss thinks, "Hmm . . . A little makeup and a new hairdo . . ." The woman points the invention at the Boss and says, "Hey! Cut it out!"
Dogbert says to the seminar participants, "As a zombie, you must speak in empty generalities." Dogbert continues, "Your business plan might say 'We strive to utilize a variety of techniques to accomplish a broad spectrum of results toward the bottom line.'" A man says, "Hey! My skin is getting clammy and I have the urge to call a meeting!" The man sitting next to him says, "Me too!" Dogbert says, "Good . . . Good . . ."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "My patent application is complete. Soon the other engineers will come sniffing around." Dilbert thinks, "They are attracted by the scent of success. They want their names on my patent." Wally, Alice and Ted peer into Dilbert's cubicle. Alice says to Wally and Ted, "The scent CAN'T be coming from here." Ted says, "We may be getting a false positive from his baloney sandwich." They all sniff the air.
The foreman of the jury reads a document and says, "The jury has reached a decision in the case of 'Dogbert vs. A Big Corporation.'" The man continues, "We award Dogbert fifty million dollars because we hate big companies and we like little dogs with glasses." The man continues, "And we award a Maytag dryer to juror Mindy for being 'Best Dressed.'" The judge covers his eyes and thinks, "I hate my life."