Ted Comic Strips - Page 22
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Character
448 Results for Ted
View 211 - 220 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 31,
2016
Spreading Ted's Ashes
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday January 10,
2017
Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job
Tags talking, conversation, boring, annoy, quitting, boredom
Transcript
Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.
Sunday June 25,
2017
Tags time machine, time travel, experiment, algorithm, planning, mistake, error, science
Transcript
Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.
Tuesday June 06,
2017
Be Creative With Funding
Thursday June 08,
2017
Dilbert Is Under Budget
Tags project, budget, money, stealing, embezzlement, consequences
Transcript
Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.
Tuesday July 18,
2017
Ted Promoted To Software Architect
Tags manager, Promotion, intelligence, logic, obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.
Wednesday July 19,
2017
Internal Rules Versus Good Code
Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!
Saturday July 22,
2017
Bad At Your Job
Tags managers, instructions, directions, insubordinate
Transcript
Ted: Your code doesn't conform to my architectural guidelines. Dilbert: That's because you're bad at your job and I'm good at mine. Ted: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: Maybe you could ask someone who knows how to do your job.
Tuesday September 05,
2017
Robot Was A Good Worker Before
Tags robot, delegation, automation, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.
Sunday December 03,
2017
Tags team, teamwork, team building, death, cover-up, denial, human resources, drowning, rafting, business, medical
Transcript
Boss: As you know, our team-building event did not go smoothly. In my defense, I had no way of knowing a class 6 whitewater adventure would be so bumpy. It took me by surprise when Ted fell in. But I'm proud that we came together as a team and agreed to not look for him. It would have ruined our timing for lunch. Anyway, I'm sure Ted swam to safety. Dilbert: Ted doesn't know how to swim. Boss: All in favor of pretending Ted didn't attend the event? Catbert: They didn't have life vests? Boss: You're thinking of the deluxe package.

