Financial Problems Comic Strips - Page 22

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255 Results for Financial Problems

View 211 - 220 results for financial problems comic strips. Discover the best "Financial Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ask The Other Director

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Ask The Other Director - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reorganization, logic, managers, solutions, cheating

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Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.

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Nothing Else To Talk About

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Nothing Else To Talk About - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality, boring, bored, conversation, small talk, psychology

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Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Tina Won't Stop Talking

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Tina Won't Stop Talking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, company policy, politeness, etiquette, time, talking

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Dilbert: Our new politeness policy is having unintended consequences. I just spent four hours listening to Tina talk about hear health problems because the company says it is rude to just walk away. Wally: How did you escape? Dilbert: She had a health problem. I got lucky.

Do Whatever The Data Says

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Do Whatever The Data Says - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags study, analysis, decision, conclusions, bias, science

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Boss: I need you to do a financial analysis on upgrading our customer tracking software. Dilbert: What conclusion do you want me to reach? Boss: We'll do whatever the data says. Dilbert: Which is...? Boss: I already bought the upgrade.

Unethical Assumptions

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Unethical Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, ethics, misleading, finances, budget

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Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.

Getting The Wrong Answer

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Getting The Wrong Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, spending, Advice, money

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Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags contract, legalese, language, comprehension

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Boss: Review this contract and tell me if it looks right. Dilbert: It's legal gibberish. I don't understand a word of it. Boss: So... you see no problems? Dilbert: Only a lawyer could understand it. Boss: But otherwise it's okay? Dilbert: My inability to identify a problem is not proof of no problems. Boss: Then how do you know when all of your problems have been fixed? I'll just sign it and see what happens.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, deception, secret, choosing, choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prognosticate, prediction, projection, budget, blame

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Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Financial Forecaster Quit

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Financial Forecaster Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, money, projection, prediction, Advice

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Boss: Our financial forecaster quit. I need you to fill in for him. Dilbert: I don't know how to do financial forecasts. Boss: Neither did he. Dilbert: How were you making decisions? Boss: It's better if we don't excavate that septic tank.