Free Time Comic Strips - Page 22
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Share August 22, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.
Share August 28, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: The image ins fuzzy because the monitor has an acute design flaw. Tina: Acute? Thats an unusual choice of words. Would you have said "acute" to a mle co worker? I think not. Dilbert: It means crucial, thats all. Tina: I know what the word means! Do you think UI odnt see right through your sexist puns? Dilbert: No! I swear . it was just a poor choice of words!! Tina: Well...okay. I accept your apology this time. So whats wrong with the other monitor? dilbert: which?
Share August 31, 1994's comic on:
"I'd stay and work some unpaid overtime with you but I'm taking MBA classes." "If YOU took MBA classes you'd understand that working for free is a low NPV." "If you don't mind, before big tests I'd like to rub your head for luck." "It'll cost you a nickel."
Share October 03, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert: the dogcart consulting company has reviewed the executive compensation plan as you requested. My conclusion is that you're already hideously overpaid, Im recommending ninety percent pay cuts and a whack in th head for each of you. I"ll bet you don't get much repeat business. Dogbert: Oh yeah, as if Id want to spend more time with you.
Share October 08, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production. Dilbert: The opinions of two people are not statically useful. ...especially if you're one of the two people. The boss: I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true.
Share October 09, 1994's comic on:
"I brought Dilbert, in case you have any technical questions about our product." "Heh-heh...engineers don't know how to lie. The truth will be mine." "Uh-oh." "Ted said your product is bug-free. Is that true Dilbert?" "Well, yes, that's true." "I mean, basically true. Technicaly true. Sort of." "No-o-o!! It's a lie! All the bugs were reclassified as security features just to make the ship date!!" "And we both think you could be attractive if you'd just do SOMETHING with your hair." "Why did I bring you along?" "The evidence suggests that you're stupid."
Share October 10, 1994's comic on:
Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.
Share October 17, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.
Share October 23, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "
Share October 27, 1994's comic on:
"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We mail our product to people and tell them it's free for one year." "Then we start nailing them with high fees because they'll forget the procedure for returning the product. They're trapped." "So, did you have some ethics advice?" "No. I asked you here so I can return your stupid product."