Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 22
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379 Results for Human Resources
View 211 - 220 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 21,
2009
Tags sitting, meeting, title, meaningless, proud, mean, cruel, deflated, orders, business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says ,"Employees are so important to me that our head of human resources will get a C-level title." Dogbert says, "Edna will be our CPO, or Chief People officer." Dogbert says ,"Take a seat over there by the chief artificial coffee creamer officer."
Sunday January 03,
2010
Tags human resources, ergonomics, bad posture, golem, boneless chicken, business
Transcript
Man says, "Hello, Wally. Human resources assigned me to be your ergo buddy." Wally says, "My what?" Man says, "I'll observe while you work. Then give you suggestions on improving your ergonomics." Man says, "Your posture is all wrong, and your keyboard needs to be lower." Man says, "Your bad ergonomic practices have turned you into a golem." Wally says, "Golem?" Man says, "It means a shapeless mass imbued with life. A lump. Clod, or fool." Man says, "It's right here on my checklist. After "Boneless chicken." Wally says, "Does that say you're supposed to pour salt on me until I dry up and die?" Man says, "Let's pretend you didn't see that."
Saturday January 23,
2010
Tags sitting, survey, benefits, human resources, business
Transcript
CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?According to the employee survey, you want fewer benefits.? Dilbert says, ?I don't remember doing a survey.? Catbert says, ?We polled a random sample.? Dilbert says, ?That seems a bit suspicious.? Catbert says, ?In other findings, you want more verbal abuse.?
Tuesday January 26,
2010
Tags human resources, acid, vat, toxic fumes, standing on chair, scared, business
Transcript
CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?Ted, I'm transferring you to a job with a higher risk of industrial accidents.? Catbert says, ?Your job will involve reaching over a vat of acid while wearing no safety harness.? Ted says, ?Why do we have a vat of acid?? Catbert says, ?Because toxic fumes take forever.?
Tuesday February 02,
2010
Tags meeting, letter, ceo, reading, good fortune, share, winery, wine, angry, helicopters, human chess board, frighten, dwarves, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."
Tuesday March 16,
2010
Tags meeting, coworker, software, product, sitting, technical issue, understand, terms, comprehension level, human, squirrel, anvil, awkward, community college, business, engineering
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, explain to Logan the technical issue in terms he can understand." Dilbert says, "Sure. What's his comprehension level? Are we talking human, squirrel or anvil?" The Boss says, "Which one am I?" Dilbert says, "Don't make this awkward." The Boss says, "Did the squirrel go to a community college?"
Tuesday March 30,
2010
Tags human resources, evil director, employee, morale, high, happy, overpaid, nature, yell, clouds, unhappy, hands clasped, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "I'm getting reports that your morale is too high." Catbert says, "Happiness is nature's way of informing human resources that you're overpaid." Employee says, "Nature wants me to be unhappy?" Catbert says, "Don't blame me. Go yell at the clouds."
Wednesday March 31,
2010
Tags human resources, evil director, meeting, leadership, empty promises, imaginary, work, weekend, promoted, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Leadership is the art of trading imaginary things in the future?" Catbert says, "For real things today." Catbert says, "If you work all weekend, you might be promoted someday, if there's ever an opening... and no one else is more qualified."
Thursday May 06,
2010
Tags evil director of human resources, email, funny videos, angry, yell, mouth open, privacy, guess, hurts
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "100% of your email messages this month involved links to funny videos." Wally says, "The company is violating my right to privacy! This is an outrage!" Catbert says, "Actually, I was just guessing." Wally says, "It still hurts."
Friday May 07,
2010
Tags evil director of human resources, payroll expenses low, bad reviews, employees, defects, list, faults, alphabetical, business
Transcript
Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."


