Long Nose Comic Strips - Page 22
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434 Results for Long Nose
View 211 - 220 results for long nose comic strips. Discover the best "Long Nose" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 22,
2004
Tags girlfriend, two probelms, looks, personlaity, extreme makeover, fascinated by new person, 9 good tsories, social liability, relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: why can't I find a girlfriend? DOgbert: you have two problems: your looks and your personality. Dilbert: Hmm,two itsn't bad. I can fix my looks by getting and extreme makeover. Dogbert: you'll still need to improve M.T.T.S.F. Dilbert: What? Dogbert: mean time to story failure: Its a measure of ho long you can be fascinating to a new person. Dogbert: Ive been counting and you only ave nine good stories after you use them up youre a social liability. Dilbert: I saw a horse kick a woodchuck over a fence. Dogbert: still only nine.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday September 22,
2004
Tags dental evidence, hired manager, the hotline, ethics questions, ethics manager
Transcript
The Boss: "The company has hired an manager." "If you have any ethics questions, call the hotline." Dogbert: "That's fine, as long as you get rid of the dental evidence."
Monday October 18,
2004
Tags fall asleep, runny nose, sneaks in, pinches nostrils shut
Transcript
Ratbert: Why does a runny nose stop running when you fall asleep? Dogbert: The nose fairly sneaks in at night and inches your nostrils shut. Ratbert: This is exactly why I don't like knowledge.
Sunday December 05,
2004
Tags letters, numbers, create password, dumb, password creator
Transcript
The Boss: "Now what?" Dilbert: "Create a password that's at least six characters long with a mix of letters and numbers." "How about 123?" Dilbert: "Uh, no." Dilbert: "It has to include letters and be at least six characters long." "How about ABC?" Dilbert: "Letters AND numbers and at least six characters LONG!" The Boss: "Foursome?" Dilbert: "GAAA!"
Sunday March 20,
2005
Tags meeting, introductions, manager instinct, disengaged, mirror mannerisms, witty side comment, pledge loyalty, dead guy, business
Transcript
I missed the introductions. "I'll use my manager instinct to figure out who's important." "Only a senior executive could get away without looking so disengaged." "I'll mirro his mannerisms so he'll like me." "Now for a witty side comment." "Ha ha! That will happend when monkeys fly our of my nose." "No reaction! He must be so important that he has no sense of humor!" "I pledge my loyalty to you and only you!!!" "I heard that you pledged your loyalty to a daed guy." "At least he won't ask for much."
Tuesday April 26,
2005
Tags rated good, you're not good, company policy, fire anyone, hiring freeze, get paid
Transcript
The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."
Sunday June 26,
2005
Tags design plan, questions, egyptian hieroglyphocs, patent, hieroglyphics, ancient egyptians, microchips patent laws
Transcript
"And that's my design plan. Are there any questions?" "It reminds me of Eqyptian Hieroglyphics. Are you sure they didn't patent it?" "Um...I don't think that's likely." "But there's still some risk?" "First of all, I didn't use Hieroglyphics. Secondly, the ancient Egyptians didn't have microchips. Thirdly, they didn't have patent laws." "Good point. " "Oh yeah? Then how did they build pyramids?" "Do some research on that question and get back to us next week" "Next on the agenda: why do our projects take so long?" "What?"
Saturday July 16,
2005
Tags cure for cold, side effects, coughing, store throat, runny nose, congestion, nausea
Transcript
"I invented a cure for the common cold." "The possible side-effects are coughing, sore throat, runny nose, congestion and nausea." "So...it's a pill that makes you nauseous?" "Only if you have a cold."
Sunday August 28,
2005
Tags new director, wist decision support, out source contracts, north elbonia, government reward
Transcript
"My job could not be more meaningless." "I'm looking at my new Director of Post-Decision Support!" "After I make a decision, your job is to figure out why it was the right one." "Save those tears of joy for later. We've got work to do!" "SOB!" "I decided to outsource our nuclear contracts to North Elbonia." "And in return, they'll give us food, if they ever figure out how to grow any." "I expect some fallout from this decision." "Me too." "On the plus side, it won't be long before there's a government reward for killing him."

