Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 22

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1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 211 - 220 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, aspirations, relationships, betterment, warren buffett

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Asok: Warren Buffett says you should spent time with people who are better than you. Alice: Why would people who are better than me be dumb enough to spend time with me? Asok: Well... I assume you have to find people who are better than you, but not smart enough to avoid you. Because, obviously, you'd be bringing down the average of anyone who was better than you. Which reminds me, I need to cut this meeting short to keep my average up. Dilbert: Maybe we can continue the meeting without him. Alice: That would only be good for you. I need to find better people. Dilbert: The meeting went downhill from there. Dogbert: Can you wrap this up? You're bringing down my average.

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

Do Not Implicate Boss

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Do Not Implicate Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, deadline, responsibility, accountability, medical

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Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

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Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, sick days, medical

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Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Purchasing Did Not Order Part

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Purchasing Did Not Order Part - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags delays, excuses, laziness, work ethic, scapegoat, deadline, delay

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Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.

Already Tried That Plan

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Already Tried That Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags disagreement, argument, opposites, conflict

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Dilbert: We tried that plan already and it didn't work. Boss: Stop living in the past. Dilbert: Stop refusing to learn from experience. Boss: Wait... why do we both sound right? Dilbert; I don't know. It's freaking me out a little.

Customers Work For Free

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Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags test, big business, money, savings, obliviousness

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Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

Brains In A River

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Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cryogenics, ethics, laziness, yelp, online review, comments, feedback, customers

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Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

The Losing Team

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The Losing Team  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blockchain, training, improvement, legacy, education, skills

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Dilbert: I'd like to work on our blockchain project to keep my skills updated. Boss: I need you to be a team player and maintain our legacy systems until your technical skills become obsolete. Dilbert: What kind of team is that? Boss: You'll be on the losing team.

Dilbert Starts The Cover Up

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Dilbert Starts The Cover Up  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conspiracy, aspersions, suspicion, blame, proof, guilt, innocence

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Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Alice: I think Dilbert is trying to ruin my career. Carol said he was mad about something I said, and hew as in the server room right before I lost my files. This morning he said he "had work to do." Boss: OMG. He already started the cover-up. Narrator: Continued...