Help! Help! Comic Strips - Page 22

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View 211 - 220 results for help! help! comic strips. Discover the best "Help! Help!" comics from Dilbert.com.

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I was wondering if you could stop by this weekend and show me how to install my wireless network. "Under what theory are the competent obliged to help the incompetent?" "Wow. This is awkward." "Watch what happens when I just stare at you."

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Dogbert's Tech Support "Before I can help you, I need your tech support product identification code." "You can find it by going to your local landfill and digging until you see your product's original packaging." "But don't disturb the seagulls or they'll peck off your face."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #patent application, #3 emails, #rude, #insulting, #condescending, #back plane, #gizmo

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"Remember to include my name on the patent application." "Why? You didn't help." "That's ridiculous! I've been helping you design that thing for months!" "I saved all three of your e-mails. Allow me to read them." "'Dude, is something wrong with your brain?'" "Later: 'Hey, Dilweed, maybe you should replace the backplane with a gizmo.'" "Then my personal favorite: 'Dilbag, I'm glad you took my advice to leave the backplane alone.'" "That's my way of helping." "It's great. You should patent it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #the boss, #asok, #projects, #new, #challenge, #tina, #write, #newsletter, #worthless, #assistant

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I have completed all of my projects and I am ready for a new challenge. "You can help Tina write the department newsletter." "But the newsletter job is only given to the most worthless employee." "And her assistant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil wind blowing, #dark soul, #evil director, #human resources, #employee survey, #over reacted, #well being, #business

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"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #represent company, #corporate marathon, #run 26 miles, #designed special hat

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The Boss: "Wally, I want you to represent our company in the corporate marathon." "Um...I can't run 26 miles." "Yes, you can. I've designed a special hat to help you." "What the...?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #forgetting things, #hospital, #odctors, #exam room, #monkeys brain, #replace brain, #medical

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"I keep forgetting where I put things." "The problem is that you're stupid." "I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain." "Will that help?" "No, I just hate monkeys."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #journal, #personal growth, #write in journal, #felt a little

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Keep a journal of everything you do. That way you'll know where you need help. "Now I am writing in my journal. I am still writing in my journal. Now I am writing about writing in my journal." "Ooh. I think I felt a little personal growth there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #help balancing, #personal life, #no love, #sound sunhealthy, #pill crybaby, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technical glitch, #humble, #condescending engineer, #teach you to ask, #drinking beer, #study english, #sorry

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Tina: Oh No. It's a technical glitch that I don't know how to fix. "GAA! NOw I must humble myself to some condescending engineer and ask for help!" Alice: "And how did I teach you to ask?" Tina: "I'm sorry that I spent my college years drinking beer and studying English literature."