Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 22

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379 Results for Human Resources

View 211 - 220 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, happy things, working, sensors, alert management, pleasure areas brain, blood flow, happier not knowing, business

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Catbert: evil director of human resources Catbert: "Some of you have been thinking about happy things when you should be working." "These sensors will alert management any time the pleasure areas of your brain have more blood flow." "I was happier not knowing." ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, new policy, no d drinking coffee, remove all doubt, policies, evil, honesty, ruining the moment, business

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Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags strategic asset, market share, fire yourself, accountabilty

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The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources<Br>"I've worked in a windowless cube for 25 years. Can I move to the vacant cube by the window?" "Sure." "GAAA!!! IT BURNS!" "Too fast."

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "I hired two people to work on your project." "One is a mumbler and the other one is hard of hearing but doesn't know it." "Mmmm, afterglow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Jeff, the human ashtray "Watch out for that hole in the ground!" "That's not a hole. It's just a dark spot on the floor from some of your ash falling there." "Oh." "I can't tell the difference between my ash and a hole in the ground." "Dilbert, did you meet your new boss?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Hi, I'm Jeff, the human ashtray." "I like to lean in real close to people so they can enjoy my aroma!" "OW! OW! OW!" "Sounds like someone is getting his ash kicked."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "I'd like to discuss my career plan." "The plan is that we'll keep you around until we find a starving Elbonian to do your job for less." "In other words, blah, blah, maybe someday you will get a promotion."

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How can I achieve my full potential? "You already have." "What?" "Seriously. You already peaked." "I came to human resources for some guidance." "That's what tipped me off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arc welder, barrel of kerosene, growth on neck, health plan, laid eggs, pregnant termite, quick search, to diagnose, use google

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: The new company health plan is Google. From now on, employees must use Google to diagnose their own illnesses. For example, this guy has a growth on his neck. Guy: I do? Catbert: A quick search on my Blackberry tells me it's... Guy: What is it?!! Catbert: Ooh. Wow. A pregnant termite crawled into your mouth and built a hive in your esophagus. Guy: GAAA!!!" "Stop being a baby. The treatment for that is... Catbert: Do you have an arc welder and a barrel of kerosene?"