Job Comic Strips - Page 22
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936 Results for Job
View 211 - 220 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 25,
2014
Tags graphic design, graphic designers, outsourcing, new employee, subcontract, starngers, internet, 5% salary, undermind, technology
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, meet our new graphic designer. Dilbert: If I had your job, I would secretly sub it out to strangers on the Internet and pay them 5% of my salary while I did nothing all day. Oops, sorry. I didn't know you were already there.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday October 21,
2014
Tags managers, managers & supervisors, morale, robots, problems, lying, spectacular job, award randomly, in charge, robot boss, temporary, employees, oversight, business
Transcript
Boss: Did you have any problems filling in for me while I was on vacation? Robot: It was hard at first. I couldn't tell who was lying about doing a spectacular job. Boss: That's why I reward them randomly. Robot: I tried that and it did seem to settle them down.
Monday September 22,
2014
Donuts 'N Vodka
Tags cognitive control, hiring, job interview, self control, temptation, prediction of success, donut, laptop, bottle vodka, resist
Transcript
Catbert: Your experience is impressive, but a better predictor of success is your cognitive control. I will leave you for ten minutes with a donut, a laptop full of inappropriate videos, and a bottle of vodka. Try to resist them. Man: Yee-ha! Mmm-mm! Catbert: Do not go in there.
Thursday September 18,
2014
Tags emotional manipulation, executives, financial gain, leader, leaders, less unlikable, lonely job, manipulation, obliviousness, popularity
Transcript
CEO: Being a leader is a lonely job. Dilbert: Try being less of a #!@*. Then people might want to spend time with you. CEO: I don't see how that could work. Dilbert: Can we get back to manipulating my emotions for financial gain?
Sunday September 14,
2014
Tags bad psoture, body language, comaplints, communication style, contact the dead, criticism, fear, fengshui, gut feeling, job review, psychic, rationality, threatening, whiny babies
Transcript
Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.
Monday September 01,
2014
Tags cruelty, work ethic, human resources, feeling of inadequency, boost company profits, all weekedn, adequate temporary basis, business
Transcript
Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.
Sunday August 17,
2014
Tags behind schedule, obstical, projects, sound dumb, three engineers, time management skills
Transcript
Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.
Tuesday August 12,
2014
Tags complaining, engineers, project inherited, weak code, rewrite, great job, hired idiot
Transcript
Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.
Thursday July 10,
2014
Tags deception, work ethic, growth hacker, web apps, perfect job, growth hackers, do nothing, work from home
Transcript
Wally: We need a "growth hacker" for our web apps. I think I'd be perfect for that job. Boss: I've heard of growth hackers, but I have no idea what they do all day. You could do nothing and I wouldn't know the difference. Wally: And I could work from home.
Sunday June 29,
2014
Tags computers & peripherals, cruelty, tech supprt, highly trained engineer, electrical engineer, most proabable, reinstalled software, rebooted, default, request
Transcript
Dogbert: This is tech support. How may I help you? Dilbert: Before we start, I need to tell you that I'm a highly trained electrical engineer. I have already eliminated all of the most probable causes of my issue. I have reinstalled the software and I have rebooted several times. So please, if you have any respect for humanity, do not start this call by insisting that I reboot again. Can you do that? Can you not ask me to reboot as your first suggestion? Dogbert: Try rebooting. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Dogbert: I kinds love my job.


