Mock Previous Engineer Comic Strips - Page 22
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Ratbert stands on a desk looking at a glass of water. He says, "A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it's half full." Dilbert asks, "Did you put your lips on my glass again?" Ratbert says, "And the engineer says . . ." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing I put half of my water in a redundant glass."
The caption says, "Office obstacle course." Dilbert walks down the hall. He sees another man and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Phil. I never returned his call. Walk faster." Dilbert runs into the elevator as the doors close. He thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert peers around a corner and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's an unpleasant co-worker who wants to be my friend." Dilbert walks behind Wally and a woman and thinks, "The clever engineer blends with the herd to avoid detection." Dilbert stands by Alice's desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, I owe Alice some information." Alice's phone rings. As Alice answers the phone, Dilbert runs by her desk and thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "There's only one more obstacle between me and blissful productivity." The Boss comes around the corner. Dilbert runs into the Boss and shouts, "My whole day is ruined!!!" The Boss says, "It looks like you need a one-on-one coaching session."
Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Asok sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss will be joining us by speakerphone." Alice tells Asok, "This is an important part of your engineering trainig, Asok." Asok asks, "What do I do?" Wally explains, "When Alice presses the mute button, you make witty and sarcastic remarks." The phone rings. The Boss says, "Hello, everyone. I'd like to talk about the new compensation plan." Alice presses a button and points to Asok. Asok says, "Tell us some lies, you ugly, two-faced, hypocritical troll!" Asok continues, "I am Asok the Intern and I spit on your feeble compensation plan!" Asok continues, "I've found stuff on the bottom of my shoe that was smarter than you!!" He laughs. Dilbert and Asok walk out of the conference room. Dilbert says, "Next time, a bit wittier . . . And make sure Alice really presses the mute button."
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert says, "Your resume looks good, but we could only pay half of what you're making now. Are you interested?" The woman replies, "So . . . You're looking for a brilliant engineer who is actively seeking a pay cut?" Dilbert says, "Well, you have to consider the many intangibles." The woman asks, "Such as my savings account if I worked here?"
Catbert sits at his desk and says, "There are two ways to get an extra engineer for your project." Catbert continues, "You can transfer some unqualified loser from within the company . . ." Dilbert asks, "Or?" Catbert says, "Not so fast. I like to savor the moment before I crush your misplaced optimism."
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"
A man stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Thanks for making that product mock-up last week. The customer liked it so much that he ordered a thousand!" Dilbert says, "That was a MOCK-UP! We don't even make that product yet. It would take three years to make one." The man says, "Just give me a thousand mock-ups. The first one was terrific!" Dilbert replies, "The mock-up was our competitor's product with duct tape over the logo."
Dilbert and Wally stand in the office kitchen. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, Wally says, "So I'm thinking I'll resign, then I'll reapply for my current job at a higher salary." As they walk back to their cubicles, Dilbert says, "That's a good plan except for the fact that you're thoroughly unqualified for your current job." Wally says, "I need to share my unrealistic plans with a friend who isn't an engineer." Dilbert says, "I'm more of a co-worker than a friend, per se."
Tina the Tech Writer and Dilbert sit in Dilbert's cubicle. Tina says, "At the risk of dying from boredom, I must interview you for the department newsletter." Dilbert says, "Let me give you some background before I talk about my project . . ." Tina ignores Dilbert and writes, "'The project is good,' quipped the engineer." Dilbert continues, ". . . So there I am in my mom's Fallopian tube . . ."
Tags #assigned, #boss summarizes, #ceiling tiles, #cnn report, #engineer, #lowly engineer, #recommendation, #technology decisons, #technology descion, #three bullet points, #interactive holographs, #engineering
The panel is titled, "Mysteries Revealed." Dogbert asks, "How do ceiling tiles get damaged?" The caption says, "It begins with a lowly engineer who makes a technology decision." Dilbert sits at his desk humming. The caption says, "The engineer writes up his recommendation." Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Ten pages." The caption says, "The Boss summarizes it for the executive director." The Boss hands the director a document and says, "One-page summary." The caption says, "The executive director summarizes it for the vice president." The executive puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "Three bullet points . . ." The caption says, "The VP summarizes it for the president." The VP says, "Nice necktie." The president replies, "Thanks. Have some stock options." The caption says, "The president sees a CNN report and makes a technology decision." The president sits in a chair watching television with his feet resting on the VP's back. A newscaster says, "Interactive holographs are hot!" The president says, "Get me some of that!" The caption says, "The engineer is assigned to justify the president's technology decision." Dilbert's feet hang from the ceiling and he says, "Ouch." The Boss thinks, "He took that well."