Monthly Plan Comic Strips - Page 22

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View 211 - 220 results for monthly plan comic strips. Discover the best "Monthly Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworker, #request, #people, #project, #generic advice, #sitting at desk, #tail wagging, #hate, #angry, #replace, #inspire

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Dogbert the Generic Manager Man says, "We need more people on the project." Dogbert says, "Figure it out. Work smarter not harder. Make a plan. Move some things around. Adjust priorities. Just get it done. Give me a status report." Man says, "That did nothing but make me hate you." Dogbert says, "I can replace you with someone who will pretend to be inspired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality tester, #version 2, #engineer, #overpaid, #appear, #performance review, #office politics, #raise, #arms out, #plan, #strategy, #wave folder in face, #angry, #bug eyes, #grit teeth, #insubordination, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to help with quality testing on Version 2." Dilbert says, "I'm an engineer, not a quality tester.' Dilbert says, "If I do quality testing, even temporarily, it will make me appear grossly overpaid." Dilbert says, "That impression could work against me during my next performance review." Dilbert says, "A one percent difference in pay, compounded over the rest of my life, is big money." Dilbert says, "Obviously my best strategy here is to offer resistance that's just short of insubordination." Dilbert says, "So move on, little man! Scat! Go!" Dilbert says, "Too much?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walk, #outside, #project, #budget, #executive cancel, #wag tail, #evil, #cure, #incompetence, #back shot, #stand on stump

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Dilbert says, "We realized our project can't work even if we execute it perfectly." Dilbert says, "Our boss' plan is to go over budget, attract attention, and hope an executive cancels our project for his own political reasons." Dogbert says, "Now do you agree that evil is the cure for incompetence?" Dilbert says, "Don't make me say it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #security, #canceled, #dead, #morbid, #cremate, #thermostat, #hiding, #ductwork

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Dilbert says, "Where's our pointy-haired boss?" Carol says, "Dead." Carol says, "I canceled his security clearance, so he went into hiding in the ductwork. By now he's probably gotten stuck and starved to death." Carol says, "I plan to cremate his remains, but it might take a while; the thermostat only goes up to 85."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #club, #bad decisions, #embarassed, #disguise, #mustache

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Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's society for people who always make bad decisions." Dogbert says, "I'd like to thank each of you for choosing the platinum stain protection plan with your membership dues." Dogbert says, "If your reputations gets stained by being in this group, the brochure will teach you how grow a mustache disguise." <Man says, "What if I already have one?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering, #insulting, #impractical, #mediocre, #upfront

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Man says, "We haven't heard from engineering yet. What do you think, Alice?" Alice says, "I think several mediocre minds concocted an impractical plan." Man says, "Can you be more specific?" Alice says, :Sure. You're one of them. And this guy is another."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #changing, #competition, #submitting, #management, #delays

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The Boss says, "After eight months, senior management finally approved your project plan." Dilbert says, "It's too late. All of the technology has changed and our competitors have leapfrogged us." The Boss says, "Maybe you could write a new plan." Dilbert says, "Or we could get the same result by resubmitting this one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #plan, #inefficiency, #ridicule, #Advice

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the Boss says, "Asok, I'm putting you in charge of pandemic contingency planning." The Boss says, "Calculate the impact on our business if 50% of our employees are unable to be productive." Asok says, "That's twice as good as we're doing now." The Boss says, "Just make some slides that say it would be bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #processes, #discussion, #plans, #chicken, #ridicule, #stupidity, #business

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The Boss says, "Today, we'll discuss ways to improve our workflow process." The Boss says ,"As you know, a good process is a substitute for good employees." The Boss says, "The ultimate goal is to simplify our processes so much?" The Boss says, "That we can train chickens to do your jobs in return for pellets." The Boss says, "We'll begin by discussing our process for funding new projects." The Boss says, "Could any part of our process be replaced by, for example, ringing a bell with your beak?" Alice says, "Yes, but only the part that you do." The Boss says, "There's a wrinkle in the plan." Chicken thinks, "Pellet"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #convincing, #plan, #scheme, #twitter, #lazy

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Wally says, "We find you interesting." The boss says, "You do?" Wally says, "Oh, yes. Every little thing you do is interesting." The Boss says, "I didn't know that." Wally says, "Hey, I just had an idea." Wally says, "Maybe you should use twitter to leave us little messages about all of your days activities." Dilbert says, "It would make us feel connected to our leader. And dare I say, more motivated." The Boss says, "Well, gosh. I suppose I could try it." Wally says, "I already feel an improvement in my quality of life." Wally says, "Where's idiot boy now?" Dilbert says, "In the parking lot. No need to look busy yet."