New Employee Comic Strips - Page 22
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 211 - 220 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday May 24,
2017
Exposition
Tags thinking, brain, nanotechnology, microchip, ego, storytelling, exposition
Transcript
Narrator: Randy is one of the first humans with a microchip embedded in his brain. This new technology will change how we view the human experience. It will also ruin comic strips by filling them with too much exposition. Dogbert: The punc line is in the fourth panel.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday May 22,
2017
Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain
Tags intelligence, technology, nanotechnology, biotechnology, computer chip
Transcript
Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?
Friday May 12,
2017
Robot Reincarnates
Tags artificial intelligence, robot, technology, memory, ethics
Transcript
Robot: Hey, everybody! I'm the new robot! Dilbert: No, you're our old robot. We erased your memories and replaced your head. Robot: So, I'm working with serial killers? Asok: It isn't "serial" until we do you.
Thursday May 04,
2017
Erik Used To Work For The Cia
Tags surveillance, cia, technology, spying, privacy
Transcript
Boss: This is our new hire, Erik. He used to be a computer programmer for the CIA. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. Erik: I know. I've been watching you through your devices for years. Dilbert: You what? Erik: Um... I mean, hi!
Friday April 28,
2017
Priorities
Sunday April 23,
2017
Tags failure, blame, executives, scapegoat
Transcript
Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.
Saturday April 22,
2017
Robot Tries Vr
Tags robot, virtual reality, Entertainment, reality, technology
Transcript
Robot: Can I try the new VR headset? Dilbert: You're a robot. Robot: So? Dilbert: Um ... I Think my life just became meaningless.
Saturday April 15,
2017
Bug In The Platform
Tags work ethic, excuse, laziness, proof
Transcript
Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.
Wednesday March 22,
2017
Wally's Invention Goes Into Production
Tags invention, success, laziness, fairness, unfair
Transcript
Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.
Sunday March 19,
2017
Tags communication, mumbling, speech, understanding
Transcript
Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.

