Asked To Clone Comic Strips - Page 22

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

253 Results for Asked To Clone

View 211 - 220 results for asked to clone comic strips. Discover the best "Asked To Clone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Random Number Generator

Thank you for voting.
Random Number Generator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #projection, #money, #prediction, #unrealistic expectations, #numbers, #obliviousness, #guest artist, #donna oatney

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you get me more details on the financial projections? Dilbert: Sure. I wrote an app that generates random numbers, just in case you asked for them. Boss: 17, 4, 962... Yes, this looks about right.

The Government Is Listening

Thank you for voting.
The Government Is Listening - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #fbi, #privacy, #technology, #bug, #spying, #cell phone, #iphone, #apple

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The government asked me for an update on your project. Dilbert: I'll talk into your phone. They listen to you all day long. Boss: This is unsettling. Dilbert: Everything is on schedule!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #unrealistic, #project, #group, #laziness, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

Ted Wonders If Boss Said Something

Thank you for voting.
Ted Wonders If Boss Said Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #secret, #keeping secrets, #panic, #worry

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I saw you talking to my boss. Did he say anything about my project? Dilbert: Um... Ted: Your hesitant response tells me you know something and he asked you not to tell me. Dilbert: Um... Ted: Is something terrible going to happen to me? Dilbert: Um...

Wally's Lateness Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Lateness Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuse, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are you two hours late for work? Wally: Your wife didn't want to bother you, so she called me and asked if I would go to your house and see if she left her curling iron plugged in. Do you believe me, or do you want to risk being the first person she calls next time. Boss: Well played.

Dashboard Never Changes

Thank you for voting.
Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #deception, #trick, #technology, #status, #ruse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #time, #time management

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

Drone Defense System

Thank you for voting.
Drone Defense System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #drone, #help, #rescue, #inept, #failure, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The government asked us to design a system to stop drone attacks on the homeland. The future of civilization is in our hands. Wally: I'm gonna miss civilization.

Wally And The Lactation Room

Thank you for voting.
Wally And The Lactation Room - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #man cave, #coffee, #trick, #lactation room

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Someone turned our lactation room into a personal man cave. Wally: That guy sounds awesome. Boss: The janitor found a recliner, a tv,and a coffee maker in there. So I asked myself who would put a coffee maker in a lactation room. Wally: I drink mine black.

Asok Learns To Rank Priorities

Thank you for voting.
Asok Learns To Rank Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #priorities, #Advice, #hate, #misanthrope, #misanthropy, #organization

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm overworked because I don't know how to set priorities. Alice: Try ranking your tasks by how much you hate the people who asked for your help. Asok: What if I don't hate anyone? Alice: That problem solves itself over time.