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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vice president of engineering, #meeting, #introduce, #full body, #face front, #pointy hair, #lack of experience, #exotic, #over selling, #mustache, #business

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The Boss says, "Meet our new vice president of engineering." The Boss says, "We're lucky to have him despite his utter lack of experience in our industry." The Boss says, "Some might call him unqualified, but I call him exotic." Vice President says, "You're over-selling."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plan, #transfer, #missile guidance engineering division, #pour coffee, #face front, #unimportant tasks, #destroy, #fishing village, #lazy

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Wally says, "I asked for a transfer to our missile guidance engineering division." Wally says, "Once they get to know me, they'll only give me unimportant tasks so I won't accidentally destroy a fishing village." Wally says, "The great thing about unimportant tasks is that no one really cares if you do them."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #powerpoint proboscis, #medical condition, #nose grows, #long nose, #lie, #pinocchio, #close eyes, #grit teeth, #nose through face, #pain, #sting, #clench fists

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Asok says, "It's a medical conditions called sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis. My nose grows when other people lie." Man says, "I'm very concerned and interested in your condition, and not just because I'm trying to sell you something." Asok says, "Please stop." Asok says, "It might sting when I pull it out."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #face front, #budget, #better than nothing, #annoyed, #yell, #mouth open, #close eyes, #shake fist, #angry

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The Boss says, "If you help bring in a new account, I'll give you a raise, unless there's no money in the budget then for raises." Alice says, "Please don't say what I think you're going to say next." The Boss says, "It's better than nothing." Alice says, "No it isn't!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #volunteer, #project, #not enough resources, #flunky, #scared, #sucky, #laugh, #smile, #puppet boy, #dance, #happy

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Alice says, "Guess what, Ted? I volunteered to run a critical project while knowing I don't have enough resources." Alice says, "When it becomes a crisis, I will delcare martial law and order you to become my flunky." Alice says, "In your face, puppet boy!" Ted says, "This day is turning out to be a little extra sucky."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #suicide, #face front, #web only, #company, #business

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Dogbert says, "You're a third-rate company in a dying industry." Dogbert says, "I recommend consultant-assisted corporate suicide." The Boss says, "Will it hurt?" Dogbert says, "It might sting a little when you announce your'e going to be a web-only company."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #Opinion, #face front, #think, #annoyed, #angry, #brain, #golf, #Sports, #business

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Woman says, "What's your take on this, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "What? Sorry. I was using this time to think about something useful." Woman says, "Maybe your boss can fill you in." The Boss says, "I was brain-golfing."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plan, #Opinion, #sarcastic, #insult, #left brain, #stagger, #annoyed, #funny face

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Coworker says, "What do you think of my plan, Alice?" Alice says, "I'll bet your left brain is so tiny that you stagger in a clockwise direction." Coworker says, "I'll ask someone else." Alice says, "Walk toward the credenza and you'll have a good chance of hitting the doorway."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stockholder, #meeting, #budget, #waste money, #panic attack, #pucker face, #business

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Stockholder says, "Hi ho! I'm a common stockholder. I'm here to see how my investment is coming along." The Boss says, "Okay, first on the agenda, we need to blow our budget before year end so we don't get less money next year." The Boss says, "How many ten-dollar mouse pads can we get for $10,000?" Stockholder says, "I hope this is a panic attack."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #boss, #angry, #annoyed, #motivate, #fail, #read face, #wave hand, #business

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Wally says, "Once again, you have failed to motivate me." Wally says, "You said we shouldn't be motivated by money, so I'm waiting for the new thing to kick in." Wally says, "I'm not good at reading faces, but I think there's something happening over in this region."