boss: ted, i have to fire you for liking an unacceptable tweet seven years ago on twitter.
ed: it..it..wasn't me. someone hacked my account, or maybe my finger slipped.
boss: which lie do you want me to put in your file?
ted: did either of them sound plausible?
boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back.
ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice?
boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop.
ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired?