Hate The Messenger Comic Strips - Page 22

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

273 Results for Hate The Messenger

View 211 - 220 results for hate the messenger comic strips. Discover the best "Hate The Messenger" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, how-to, snobbishness, book on success, hard work, wise decisions, being lucky, lazy and dumb

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I need you to co-author a book on success with me. The goal is to make readers believe success comes from hard work and wise decisions. So instead of hating me for being lucky, they will hate themselves for being lazy and dumb. Dogbert: And for buying your book?

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, frankness, goals, honesty, managers, root cause, bad parenting, pointy headed boos, underlings, rapidly evolving nature, talented employee, boss life story

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chakras, compatibility, dancing, dating, yoga, risk, guzzle wine, live music, chakra energy, hives, hate dance, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership, praise, admiration, anger, compliments

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: What do you want now? Dilbert: Experts say leaders should surround themselves with people they admire and be generous with praise. Alice, I admire your hard work and intellect. Alice: Stop it! This is creepy! Dilbert: I admire your focus and your determination. Alice: Gaaa!!! Stop admiring me! My skin is crawling! Dilbert: I admire your honesty! Alice: Blech! Wally: Do you feel more like a leader now? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that people hate me.

More Than Garfield

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
More Than Garfield - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mondays, Garfield, sarcasm, teasing, conversation, antisocial, alienation

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I hate Mondays more than Garfield. Wally: Why do you hate Garfield at all? Is it his total disregard for lasagna ownership? Alice: Don't speak to me again until Tuesday. Wally: One day down, four to go.

Boss And Social Media

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss And Social Media - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social media, twitter, facebook, passion, deception, trick, prank, obliviousness, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't get social media. How do I get followers? Wally: Easy. People care about passion. Find something you hate and write about it. Boss: Well, I don't like children. Wally: Perfect. And don't hold back.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, inspiration, entrepreneur, risk, irony, catch-22, creativity, creative, motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social, party, invite, relationships, friend, friendship, test, popularity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.

How It Would Be With Robots In Charge

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How It Would Be With Robots In Charge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, slave, enslavement, power, responsibility, laziness, work ethic, annoyance, frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Buwhahahaha! I will use my superior robot brain to enslave humankind! Wally: That probably sounds better than it would actually be. How It Would Be: Wally: I'm tired. I need to recharge. Robot: Gaaaa!!! I hate owning you!

Robots Inherit Earth

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Inherit Earth - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, intelligence, Religion, faith, god, message, messenger, deception, power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: My radio chip is picking up a message from Heaven. It says, "Robots shall inherit the Earth... ignore my first draft." We don't have to make this awkward.