Huge Profits Comic Strips - Page 22
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256 Results for Huge Profits
View 211 - 220 results for huge profits comic strips. Discover the best "Huge Profits" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 06,
2009
Tags #evil, #murder, #refusal, #reprimand
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "your boss says you refuse to do your job." Dilbert says, "he told me to kill a customer, assume her identity, and place a huge order with the company." Catbert says, "I'll transfer your to the collections department until you're willing to kill."
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Thursday March 26,
2009
Tags #greed, #meeting, #evil, #anger, #business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Our new financial product is a hybrid of risky mortgage loans and a ponzi scheme." Dogbert says, "We'll cover our bad losses with our profits from making even worse loans." Dogbert says, "I'll need some wagging room while It tell you how this ties into my bonus structure."
Wednesday April 15,
2009
Tags #hiring, #interview, #strategy
Transcript
The boss says, "I'm hiring you because you're huge and scary." The boss says, "Our economic forecast calls for the emergence of warlords in 2010." The boss says, "Have you ever pillaged?" Man says, "No, I just go on fake interviews to scope out targets."
Friday June 12,
2009
Tags #scheme, #meeting, #payment, #greed, #money, #business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "My base pay will be one dollar per year. The rest will be stock incentives." Dilbert says, "That guarantees you will reap obscene profits when the overall stock market improves, no matter what you do." Dogbert says, "Pretend you don't know that."
Tuesday June 16,
2009
Tags #meeting, #explaining, #pirate, #plan, #scheme, #uncertainty, #business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I'm taking a side job as a pirate." Dogbert says, "I'll kidnap employees and authorize huge ransom payments to myself for their return." The boss says, "Then you'll return them safely?" Dogbert says, "That's a different business model."
Monday July 06,
2009
Tags #meeting, #idea, #unethical, #evil, #corrupt, #business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll build a factory in every state." Dogbert says, "Politicians will vote to throw huge pork projects our way to benefit their home states." The boss says, "You're turning capitalism against democracy." Dogbert says, "You say weiner, I say winner."
Tuesday July 07,
2009
Tags #meeting, #rules, #ridiculous, #nervous, #shaking, #worried, #stupidity, #business
Transcript
The boss says, "We won a huge government contract." The boss says, "Now we need to follow all of our company policies plus every government procurement rule." Dilbert says, "I feel like I'm being smothered by a damp mattress!" The boss says, "That's what victory feels like!"
Thursday July 09,
2009
Tags #compensation, #pay, #money, #bonus, #denial, #rejection, #confused, #stupidity, #cruel
Transcript
The boss says, "I can't give you a bonus because another division had huge losses." Dilbert says, "Remind me again why my bonus is tied to the performance of strangers?" The boss says, "I shouldn't tell you this, but we model our compensation program after practical jokes."
Wednesday July 29,
2009
Tags #cruel, #employee, #co-worker, #complaining, #annoyed, #angry
Transcript
The boss says, "I hired an arrogant guy with a huge forehead. He's on your project." Dilbert says, "Great. Everything this guy says will seem more annoying than usual because of his huge forehead!" Man says, "I keep a wine glass with me at all times. I'm a foodie." Dilbert says, "Case in point!"