Middles Part Comic Strips - Page 22

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224 Results for Middles Part

View 211 - 220 results for middles part comic strips. Discover the best "Middles Part" comics from Dilbert.com.

Make It Hard To Uninstall

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Make It Hard To Uninstall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #business strategy, #sales, #deception, #business

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Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time

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Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suggestion, #invention, #budget, #money

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Dilbert: The electronic suggestion box project is halfway done. The original design called for a bos that scans and digitizes suggestions written on paper and emails them to the appropriate manager. Then the device shreds the original paper suggestion to make room for more. I already built the box and the shredder. I'll need additional funding to finish the scanning part. Boss: We don't have any flexibility in our budget. Let's just deploy what you have. Dilbert: All I have is a box that shreds suggestions before anyone reads them. Boss: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

No Good Ideas In Decades

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No Good Ideas In Decades - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #candid, #ageism, #conversation, #speaking, #talking

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Man: May I make a suggestion? Dilbert: Sure. Do you mind if I only pretend to listen because you haven't had a good idea in several decades? Man: That's fine. I was only looking forward to the part where I'm talking. Dilbert: Proceed.

Press Release About Hack

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Press Release About Hack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #hacking, #information, #privacy, #damage control, #apology

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Boss: Hackers got our customer data. Write a press release saying we are sorry and it will never happen again. Tina: Is any of that true? Boss: Part of it is. Tina: Which part. Boss: Hackers got our customer data.

Spittle

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Spittle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exercise, #fitness, #fad, #bossercise, #yelling, #criticism, #managers, #health

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Boss: If you need me, I'll be Bossercizing. Carol: What? Boss: It's a combination of walking around and spittle-yelling at underperformers. Carol: Is the spittle part necessary? Boss: Thhtop queth-tioning me!!!

Bad Mouthing Ted's Code

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Bad Mouthing Ted's Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #computer software, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

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Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #government, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #math, #ocean, #research, #sarcasm, #science, #temperature, #tests

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Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.

Asok In A Coma

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Asok In A Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #coffee, #office, #office workers, #coma, #dopamine

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dilbert running: ask appears to be in some kind of coma. what should we do? the boss: we see this a lot. his job is so boring that it caused his dopamine to crash. the boss: show him some funny car videos and give him a coffee i.v. dilbert: part of me doesn't want that to work.

Unforseen Risks

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Unforseen Risks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #boss, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #risks

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Boss: How can you be sure there are no unforeseen risks with this plan? Dilbert: It is not possible to know if one has considered every risk. Therefore, we can never be sure. Boss: So...I can still blame you for any problems that pop up? Dilbert: Yes, that part of the process is still intact.