Most Pretigious Comic Strips - Page 22

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

249 Results for Most Pretigious

View 211 - 220 results for most pretigious comic strips. Discover the best "Most Pretigious" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tina Gost Writes About Success

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Gost Writes About Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #humility, #insult, #humble, #ghostwriter, #biography, #Advice, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, a business publication asked me to write an article about success. I need you to ghostwrite it. Make me look wise, yet humble at the same time. Tina: "Hire employees that are smarter than you. In my case, that includes all adults, most children, and an alarming number of dolphins.

Wally Thinks Twice As Hard

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Thinks Twice As Hard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #motivation, #trick, #deception, #excuse, #lazy, #energy, #con, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm working twice as hard as ever before. Most of it is happening inside my head. But trust me, my brain is working double-time. Boss: Um... that's great. Wally: Obviously, I need to work fewer hours because of the energy drain.

Not Saving Enough For Retirement

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not Saving Enough For Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #saving, #retirement, #bleak, #despair, #pessimist, #old people, #elderly

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Most people are not saving enough for retirement. So I see no reason to work hard and save money just so my retirement condo can be overrun by starving seniors. Too bleak? Alice: A little!

Retirement Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Retirement Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #retirement, #future, #planning, #plan, #death, #aging, #work, #savings, #dying, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I saw an article that says most people don't have any kind of retirement plan. Wally: I plan to live an unhealthy lifestyle and pass away in my cubicle, preferably on a Monday. Dilbert: That's a terrible plan. Wally: Better than average, according to you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #comment, #jerk, #forum, #argument, #anger, #frustration, #language, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?

Who Alan Works For

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Who Alan Works For - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #threat, #motivation, #fear, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: If you do what I tell you to do, I will nominate you for employee of the year. If not, I will spend the rest of my days spreading rumors about you. Terrible, terrible rumors. Dilbert: Hey, Alan. Who do you work for these days? Alan: Whoever scares me the most.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.

The Dogbertium Particle

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Dogbertium Particle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #science, #accusation, #questioning, #discovery, #accusing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I wrote a paper about my discovery of the "Dogbertium Particle" and submitted it for peer review. Luckily, most of my peers are made of pure Dogbertium, which means they are easy to bribe. Dilbert: Bribe? Dogbert: Do you have a problem with that, or are you anti-science?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.