Sibs Data Base Comic Strips - Page 22

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225 Results for Sibs Data Base

View 211 - 220 results for sibs data base comic strips. Discover the best "Sibs Data Base" comics from Dilbert.com.

Blockchain Versus Databases

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Blockchain Versus Databases  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #computers, #office workers, #questions

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Dilbert: And we can put the customer data on the blockchain. Alice: Why not use an immutable database instead? Dilbert: Which way should we go? Boss: Are either of them my favorite color?

Afraid Of Alice

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Afraid Of Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #engineering, #fear, #request

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Tina: Did Alice find the data I need? Dilbert: Why don't you ask her? Tina: I'm afraid of her. Dilbert: You're not afraid of me? Tina: I've seen you try to lift a box of printer paper. Dilbert: Paper is heavier than it looks.

Ask Ted

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Ask Ted  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #insults, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

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Man: Do you have the test data? Dilbert: No. Ask Ted. Man: Ted said you have it. Dilbert: I say Ted has it. Man: One of you must dislike me. Dilbert: That's not true. It could be both of us.

Employee Engagement Is Up

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Employee Engagement Is Up - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #questions, #data, #measurement

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Boss: And I've improved employee engagement by nineteen percent. CEO: What is employee engagement? Boss: I'm not entirely sure. CEO: Then how do you measure it? Boss: Honestly, I wasn't expecting a lot of questions.

Boss Does Research On Internet

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Boss Does Research On Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #searching, #secret, #unbelievable, #nonsense, #afraid, #truth

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Boss: I was doing some research on the internet... Dilbert: Uh-oh. Boss: And I learned that there is a secret cia base inside the sun, but no one is talking about it. Dilbert: Maybe you shouldn't do research on the internet. Boss: Why are you afraid of the truth?

Centers Of Excellence

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Centers Of Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lie, #managers & supervisors, #office, #excellence

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the boss: make a slide deck that says our "centers of excellence" are creating more excellence. dilbert: do we have any data to support that claim? the boss: no. dilbert: you want me to lie? the boss: is that suddenly too much to ask.

The Opinionated Old Guy

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The Opinionated Old Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #internet & world wide web, #old, #Opinion

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the opinionated old guy: that idea will never work! unless you know some kind of "magic" that sends data through the air. dilbert: i call it wi-fi. opinionated old guy: pffft! no one wants that.

Toxic Employee Covers All Bases

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Toxic Employee Covers All Bases - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #office workers, #work

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dibert: hey, aren't you the new toxic employee? toxic employee: i told your boss you think he's a jerk for giving wally an award for work you did. dilbert: i never said that. toxic employee: i covered that base by telling him you're a liar.

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Spring Cleaning

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Spring Cleaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #baboons, #birthday, #business, #cleaning, #criminals, #drunk, #files, #list, #servers, #spring, #white-collar

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boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.