Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 22

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

262 Results for Tech Support

View 211 - 220 results for tech support comic strips. Discover the best "Tech Support" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laptop computer, order for me, tech seminar, hawaii, sign up, four day weekend, eat catepillar, recognize pattern, copies everything, boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Susan is standing in front of the boss who is sittind at his desk. Susan says: "May I get a laptop computer?" The boss answers: "No, but you can order one for me." Dilbert hands a sheet of paper to the boss and says: "May I go to this technical seminar in Hawaii? The boss answers: "No, but you can sign me up for it." Alice shows the boss a calendar and says: "May I take this Friday off so I have a four day weekend?" The boss answers: "No, but you can sit in for me while I take that Friday off." Wally says to the boss:"May I eat this caterpillar?" The boss answers: "Give me that." The boss is sitting at his desk all by himself and thinks: " I hope they never recognize the pattern." while he is chewing the caterpillar.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags totally correct, time under budget, give up features, shoebox falloff yarn, yarn is free, open door policy, serious threat, new design

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert pokes his head into the boss's office and says: "You were totally correct." Dilbert says to the boss: "We can develop the product on time and under budget." Dilbert says to the boss: "All we have to do is give up some features." Dilbert says to the boss: "For example, the original design called for a scalable wide area network switch..." Dilbert says to the boss while extending his arms: "...with multiprotocol support and full network diagnostics." Dilbert shows a sheet of paper to the boss and says: "The new design calls for a shoebox full of yarn." The boss is looking at the sheet of paper while Dilbert says to him: "So we're in good shape...assuming yarn is free." The boss says to Dilbert: "You're a serious threat to my open door policy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, executives, poor persons, ceo morality test, new tech, fracking, grinding porr people, high pressure, shale

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Imagine I invented a new technology for fracking. It involves grinding poor people into a slurry and pumping it into shale at high pressure. Do you see any problems with that? CEO: Not enough shale! CEO Morality Test

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, projects, meetings, ambiguous golas, no budget, angry team, overworked people

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your project going? Dilbert: Do you mean the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, no budget, and an angry team of overworked people who want it to die? Boss: No, the other one. Dilbert: Sometimes there isn't an "other one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inventions, win battle, developing better tv sets, digital couch, butt warmer, bottle opener, back scratcher, control lights, temperature, buttocks like a mouse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logo, prototype, graphics dept, create logos

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "And I need you to design a logo for our prototype." A man says, "We don't do that. We're the graphics support department. Talk to the graphics production department." Dilbert says, "They create logos?" The man says, "No, they tell people we do it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags legal advise, economy, pay

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok the intern says, "Pssst! I'm doing black market I.T. support to make up for my recent cut in pay." Man says, "Isn't this illegal?" Asok the intern, "Not according to my black market company lawyer." Alice says, "So it's legal to punch vendors?" Dogbert says, "Sure, if they deserve it." Dogbert says, "That's $100, please."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pay, economy, nervous, crazy

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "Asok, we need to cut your pay again. But maybe you could get a second job." Asok the intern says, "Second???" Asok the intern says, "I am already doing freelance I.T. support?and donating blood?and working as a male escort." Catbert says, "I don't need the details." Asok the intern says, "Running guns...Robbing graves...Starting a hedge fund..."`

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new employee, threat, disagreement, scared

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sitting, meeting, reading, e-mail, memo, urging, congress, law, opposed, annoyed, ridicule, business, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss says, "The company urges all of you to e-mail your congressman and support the bill that gives us pork projects." Dilbert says, "If that bill becomes law, it will, in effect, transfer my tax money to you executives for your next obscene bonuses." The Boss says, "Don't you own company stock in your retirement account?" Dilbert says, "No, I'm only dumb enough to work here."