Ted Comic Strips - Page 22

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448 Results for Ted

View 211 - 220 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.

Spreading Ted's Ashes

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Spreading Ted's Ashes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, ashes, cremation, death, spreading, toilet, medical

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Alice: Ted's widow asked us to spread his ashes around the office because he loved his job. Wally: I'll do it. Alice: You didn't like Ted. Wally: Was that a requirement? Alice: Don't let anyone see you flush it.

Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job

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Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags talking, conversation, boring, annoy, quitting, boredom

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Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time machine, time travel, experiment, algorithm, planning, mistake, error, science

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Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.

Be Creative With Funding

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Be Creative With Funding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, creativity, funding, money, progress, trick

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Dilbert: I couldn't do any work this week because you forgot to ask for funding for my project. Boss: Stop making excuses. Be creative. Ted: Why do you want to know my project charge code? Dilbert: Just curious.

Dilbert Is Under Budget

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Dilbert Is Under Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project, budget, money, stealing, embezzlement, consequences

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Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

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Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, Promotion, intelligence, logic, obliviousness

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Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

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Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy

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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Bad At Your Job

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Bad At Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, instructions, directions, insubordinate

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Ted: Your code doesn't conform to my architectural guidelines. Dilbert: That's because you're bad at your job and I'm good at mine. Ted: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: Maybe you could ask someone who knows how to do your job.

Robot Was A Good Worker Before

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Robot Was A Good Worker Before - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, delegation, automation, technology

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Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags team, teamwork, team building, death, cover-up, denial, human resources, drowning, rafting, business, medical

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Boss: As you know, our team-building event did not go smoothly. In my defense, I had no way of knowing a class 6 whitewater adventure would be so bumpy. It took me by surprise when Ted fell in. But I'm proud that we came together as a team and agreed to not look for him. It would have ruined our timing for lunch. Anyway, I'm sure Ted swam to safety. Dilbert: Ted doesn't know how to swim. Boss: All in favor of pretending Ted didn't attend the event? Catbert: They didn't have life vests? Boss: You're thinking of the deluxe package.