Dilbert: I predict fusion power will be a big deal in fifteen years.
Man: Fusion reactors are impossible to build and always will be.
Dilbert: Then why are a dozen startups working on it?
Man: Everyone who ever tried to create a fusion reactor has failed so far.
Dilbert: Thomas Edison failed many times at making a useful incandescent light bulb before he succeeded. Would you have advised him to give up after the first ten failed attempts? I eagerly await your irrational response.
Man: Incandescent bulbs are bad for the environment.
Dilbert: And there it is.
Man: ...And that's what I think about the issue.
Dilbert: Here's a Youtube video proving that everything you believe is wrong. Notice this isn't just an opinion. It is a video of the entire event you just claimed did not happen. I'm sending you a link to ten media stories debunking your version of events. Having now proved how wrong you are. Would you like to retract everything you said about it?
Man: Why can't you admit when you are wrong?
Dilbert: Because I'm not wrong!!!
wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth.
the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years?
wally: maybe.
the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten.
the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious.
wally: numbers don't lie.
the boss: who came up with the numbers?
wally: that's all the time we have for questions.
Wally: Thanks to my new circular debating technique. I haven't lost a debate in weeks. Watch this. The moon landing was a hoax.
Man: No, it wasn't.
Wally: The flag was moving in the wind.
Man: I'll send you a link debunking the flag thing.
Wally: Okay, but how do you explain the multiple light sources?
Man: Here's another link debunking that claim.
Fifteen minutes later
Man: I have now debunked all ten of your ridiculous claims will you agree the moon landing was real?
Wally: How do you explain the flag moving?
Man: Gaaaa!!! I give up!! You win!!!
boss: you don't seem to be working.
wally: i don't want to start something new because it's almost the end of my work day.
boss: it's ten o'clock in the morning.
wally: and here comes the micro-managing.
dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job!
dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers!
dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore!
dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!!
in conference room.
boss: this is your bet report ever.
dilbert yelling: what?
dilbert at home with dogbert:
today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.
boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media.
interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists.
boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.
boss in meeting wearing face mask: i hired a sciencesplainer for our meetings. he'll interrupt us every ten minutes to explain, in a condescending way, how science works.
dilbert wearing face mask: why do we need that?
boss: it's just something we do.
Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline.
Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape.
Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said.
Dilbert: I think that's best.
wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.
