2003 Comic Strips - Page 22
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Character
Wednesday July 30,
2003
Tags laughs alot, hired, morale, big impact, crazy alice
Transcript
"You laugh at everything, whether it's funny or not." "Ha ha ha!! It's true." "You're hired. You'll have a big impact on morale!" "Ha ha ha!! Yes, I will!" "Must stay alive." "HA HA HA!! COMPUTERS ARE FUNNY! HA HA!!"
Thursday July 31,
2003
Tags criticize things, dont understnd, kyoto treaty, flat tax, unfair, stem cells
Transcript
Dogbert: I've decided to spend more time criticizing things I don't understand. I say we should flat-tax the kyoto treaty all the way back to the security council, Dilbert: wouldn't that be unfair to stem cells? Dogbert: Bah!
Friday August 01,
2003
Tags nemesis, pointy haired, software division, report to boss, no difference, harware, software, engineering
Transcript
"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"
Saturday August 02,
2003
Tags pointy haired, takeover, should report, secret got out, extra money
Transcript
"Our goal is nothing less than a complete takeover of pointy-haired Carl's software division." "We'll start secretly doing their jobs in addition to our own. Then I'll argue that they should report to me." "Hypothetically, if the secret got out, would we stop working twice as hard for no extra money?"
Sunday August 03,
2003
Tags disturbing news, outsourced, customer service function, india, subcontracted, jobs to mexico, lowest cost provider, pay ourselves
Transcript
"I have some disturbing news." "We outsourced our customer-service function to India a few years ago." "So?" "Apparently, they subcontracted the job to Mexico." "Then Mexico subcontracted to Vietnam, who subcontracted to the Philippines.." "..Who subcontracted it to us." "It turns out that we're the lowest-cost provider because we lie about our hold times." "In summary, we pay ourselves to hose ourselves." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "We should raise our prices?"
Monday August 04,
2003
Tags website, customer success, closest things, complaint letters, few words, kick to kiss, change context, reviews, technology
Transcript
"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."
Tuesday August 05,
2003
Tags lose language skill, using words, wrong context, adopt them, truculent, doctrinaire, obelisk, cervically
Transcript
"I'm trying to make him lose his language skills." "I've been using words in the wrong context and waiting for him to adopt them." "Carol, could you truculent this doctrinaire to the obelisk?" "Cervically."
Wednesday August 06,
2003
Tags description, projected course, impossible, uncertainty principle, understand project, know cost
Transcript
"I need a description of your project and its projected cost." "That's impossible." "The project uncertainty principle says that if you understand a project, you won't know its cost, and vice versa." "You just made that up." "That doesn't make it wrong."
Thursday August 07,
2003
Tags new server, condescending simple version, full technical explination, early covislaizations, no concept of zero
Transcript
The Boss: Tell me why you need a new server. and don't give me the condescending simple version for managers. I want a full technical explanation. Dilbert: Early civilizations had no concept of zero. The Boss: Go on.
Friday August 08,
2003
Tags weather, close offcie, forecast for blizzards, freezing rain, tsunamis, deadly lave flows, precision-guided ball laightening, swims of killer bees, snow tires
Transcript
"The weather is getting worse. Maybe we should close the office." "No." "The forecast is blizzards, freezing rain, tsunamis, deadly lava flows, and precision-guided ball lightning." "And radiation enlarged swarms of killer bees." "Get some snow tires, you big baby."

