2017 Comic Strips - Page 22

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, leadership, power, influence

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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

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Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reality, simulation, aliens, alternate universe, perception

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News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

No Dumb Questions

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No Dumb Questions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags question, answer, binary, coding, technology

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Boss: I have a dumb question. Dilbert: There are no dumb questions. Boss: When you delete software, where do all the zeroes and ones go? Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Nothing Dilbert Does Matters

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Nothing Dilbert Does Matters - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, accomplishment, meaning, meaningless

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Dilbert: I completed my assignment, and yet I feel no sense of accomplishment. Could it be because nothing I do makes any difference in the world? Boss: I was going to tell you that, but I didn't want to demotivate you.

Dilbert Does Nothing Useful

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Dilbert Does Nothing Useful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, meaning, meaningless, motivation, laziness

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Dilbert: All I did today was create a bunch of PowerPoint slides that no one will understand. But I got paid the same as if I had done something useful. Is this the first stage of becoming you? Wally: If you're lucky.

Dogbert Is A Good Listener

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Dogbert Is A Good Listener - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags listening, ignoring, earbuds, headphones

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Dilbert: Thanks for listening to me vent about my job. You weren't always a good listener, but apparently you matured. Dogbert: The quality of my life has improved a lot since I got wireless earbuds.

Lips Stopped Moving

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Lips Stopped Moving - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags earbuds, listening, distraction, ignoring, busted, caught

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Dilbert: I saw packaging for wireless earbuds in the trash. Is that why you suddenly seem to be a good listener? Dogbert: Uh-oh. His lips stopped moving.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags greed, scavenging, cannibal, furniture, energy, vibes, health

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Alice: My chair is broken. I need a new one. Boss: You can take Ted's chair. I fired him this morning. Alice: That feels icky. Boss: It's just a chair. Alice: Ted was a creepy underperformer. I don't want his loser energy on me. Boss: That's your only option unless I fire someone else today. Alice: Okay, give me an hour to do some back-stabbing and rumor-mongering. Boss: I'll just let that situation work itself out. Alice: Nice chair. Dilbert: Why did my fight-or-flight instinct just kick in?

Dilbert Is Wearing A Body Cam

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Dilbert Is Wearing A Body Cam - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, body cam, surveillance

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Boss: Don't give that data to Marketing yet. Dilbert: That is the direct opposite of what you told me yesterday. Boss: I am totally sure I never said anything like that yesterday. You weren't wearing a wire, were you? Dilbert: It's called an employee body cam. Narrator: Continued...

Accidental Deletion

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Accidental Deletion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, coverup, body cam, denial, deception, proof

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Dilbert: I'm glad I started wearing an employee body cam. Here's a video of you yesterday, saying the opposite of what you told me today. Boss: Oops! I accidentally deleted it. Dilbert: Luckily, I have seven hundred backups.